Still Waters Run Deep

different shitz different day

2010-02-01T13:19:00.003+08:00

Dear You

Good GOD!

Last entry was 2nd June 2009.

How long ago was that

been busy and frankly Facebook has been taking

up most of my time

and I believe that most of my buddies

have let their own

blogs lie dead because of FB.

1st February today of the year 2010.

2nd month of the new year.

Posted to a new office

Loving my job

Planning to get married this year...

What more can I ask?

More money and more time that is.

Feeling abit suffocated in

the financial aspect

what with planning a wedding

and getting a house.

For those who's going to say that if I'm

struggling maybe it's not the

right time.

No worries yah?

We have been planning and re planning

and budgeting so

we can achieve it cause it's not really

that bad.

We've cut down on unnecessary stuff.

No more late night chillings at

Coffee Club.

Cutting down on the late night movies.

Shopping has been cut too :(

It will be worth it.

God willing, we will have more years

to do all that.

Planning to go honeymoon somewhere

further than South-East Asia.

My honeymoon won't even be right after

the wedding I'm afraid if we

really make a last

decision to go to LA. I wanna show him around.

He would Hollywood.

All in all,

Life is totally great!

I have a feeling this will be a good year for me.

God Willing

Till then....

[59] different shitz different day

2009-06-02T00:25:00.002+08:00

Dear You

I have confirmed what I have known all along

My supposed friends aren't really true friends at all but not surprisingly

it doesn't shock me and I don't feel any

different

My opinion has always been different

than theirs

They don't know it but I do know what they have been

saying about me

this few odd years. I thank my lucky stars

that I am do not

actually care about what people think just because

I don't agree with what they do.

Out of those only two I have always been close to.

Make no mistake. We have given each other

hell and created problems

for each other

but yet we understand each other

and are as close as before.

Isn't that what friendship means?????

To be able to fight and argue

yet still able

to overlook all those problems?

It's ok. I'm lucky I believe in the saying

"keep your friends close and you enemies closer"

It really helped me alot.

Nope

I'm trying to look in myself but the fact is that

I don't really care.

I'm lucky that I have the pleasure of calling some people

I know friends even though

I just got to know them

or knows them for less then 5 years.

I'm actually getting

tired of all this hypocrisy. I realised that

when I saw an ex collegue who

gets on my nerves at work and has the cheek to

actually criticise me in

front of her mom.

Haha... What a blow to her when she got the end

of my sharp tongue.

If she thinks her mother is there

and that I won't fight back

Too bad. She got it all wrong as always.

Cheers to Friends, Enemies and Frenemies.

Till then...

[58] different shitz different day

2009-05-27T15:46:00.002+08:00

Dear You

2 more days of freedom to go before I start work again. Now that I'm working at Lavender, it's

back to travelling the

public transport with all the irritating morning and afternoon peak crowds.

Urrgh.. not really looking forward to that.

It also doesn't help that with the new Joo Koon station, the

days of going to Lakeside station to

board the train to Boon Lay in order to bounce back are over.

The crowds at Boon Lay are even more

horrible than usual .

Haha... I foresee more complains than usual coming from moi.

Anyhoos,

was talking to my mom earlier regarding some

questions from the Other Half

when she said that my grandma was talking to her yesterday

saying something like if Other Half and I were

get married,

we are more than welcome to stay in 1 of her extra rooms

For those who doesn't know,

Grandparents and my family are neighbours.

We have lived side by side

after breaking down the wall between the kitchen 25 years ago

when they relocated from the kampung.

Since the only aunt of

mine who hasn't gotten married has flown the coop to her own place

2 rooms in the house are empty.

Hehe.. Needless to say I'm actually relieved.

I was trying to think of a way

to broach on the topic of taking over 1 of the rooms without

being seen as forcing

myself on them. Not that I don't want to get my own place.

It's just that both my mom and my grandma's

cooking are fucking fantastic I tell ya.

Now I'm wondering

how I'm going to let them know that we plan to get married

next year without them freaking out

on me.

The weather is so stifling nowadays

and I really can't stand it. I can't get any restful sleep at all.

I keep on tossing and turning.

It's even to hot to think.

Goodness,

times like this I wish I'm a mermaid.

Give me hot, dry weather anytime rather than a hot, humid one.

Apologies.

I'm honestly having writer's block.

There are times when I really felt like ranting but sometimes

it just isn't worth the effort.

In other words I'm too lazy of course.

Online games are an addiction for me for now.

Till then

[57] different shitz different day

2009-04-14T17:26:00.002+08:00

Dear You

On Sunday BF and I went to Vivo. It's been awhile since we've been there and we decided to watch Fast & Furious 4. I was abit apprehensive since it's rare that movies get better as the continuation of the show runs. Sometimes the plot will just be here, there everywhere.

But Fast and Furious 4 was freaking awesome!!! Seriously cool! Paul Walker looks positively yummy and the cars...

oh my GOD!!!

Don't get me started on the cars!!!

I actually oohhed and gurgled! Yes. Gurgled! Gurgled like a baby when the cars appeared... oooohhh.... I was practically hyperventilating. It gave me goosebumps and I kept repeating like a mindless zombie.

"bootiful cars.... boo.. ti.. full caaarrsss.."

I think the lady next to me actually shifted and leaned away from me.

Hah!

Nah... Maybe she's just cuddling her BF.

Seriously the purring and growling sounds made me drool.

Shit! I can't wait to get my license!!

Some people have said that sometimes the TP will deliberately not pass you even if you did well cause there may be something about you that they will sense about you being hazardous to other drivers on the road.

I'm hoping and praying that I will pass and that they wont notice my coiled up energy in anticipation of the adrenaline rush I get from speed.

Not that kind of SPEED mind you.. Speed as in literally traveling at high speed.

OOooHHhh!!!

Stop it sak!!

Ok.. Random entry...

Till then...

[56] different shitz different day

2009-03-11T17:35:00.012+08:00

Dear You

Gonna be reviving my dead blog. Pics of Sharipah. Yes.. It has come to my attention that I can be a very vindictive bitch and I'm not even denying it.

Claims her face look white not because of thick make up but because the camera's pixels is not good. Yeah right.

Her face is thick and white with foundation even when she goes to the beach. Guess she's not an au naturel girl at all.

Got to give her credit for having a consistent and persistently white and oily face.

This girl seriously needs to learn how to put on make up

Again with the ultra white face and brown neck.

Yet she claims I use a push up bra and flaunt my body. She doesn't even have anything to push up.

Aww.. the lovely couple. You guys suit each other. The quiet bongok guy who kowtow to his fiance's bullshit and the girl who prefers her boyfriends not to be a real man but a weak douche to kiss her feet.

To you people who gonna say stuff like whether I think I'm so much better then her. Yes. I am. Feel free to look through my pictures. www.friendster.com/damnenticing.

Till then....

[55] different shitz different day

2009-01-28T09:28:00.005+08:00

Dear You

So sorry. I missed out something from my previous entry.

Regarding the Saripah incident. If you read the part about her trashing up BF's place the following paragraph should be about her coming back the next day, as witnessed by his friend, with bags in hand.

After which she came down from BF's place with bags bursting full of stuffs. Not only is she crazy, she's a thief as well cause when BF came back from reservist, all his stuffs are gone. She claims that she was the one who bought for him his clothes.

Fucking loads of bullshit. I didn't realise that you bought years and years of clothing in a year of relationship Sharipah. You mean you were the one who bought all his underwear and even his Army singlet?

I cannot believe how one can talk alot of bullshit and not choke on it.

She even took all his shoes. Can you fucking believe that?

When BF looked through her pictures, BF recognised the Ray Ban shades that the fiance wore was his. EEEEEE!!!!

Stealing from an ex and give it to the current one? so distasteful....

Ok I'm done.

My apologies. I like to be as detailed as possible.

Ta-ta...

Till then....

[54] different shitz different day

2009-01-22T09:42:00.013+08:00

Dear You

WARNING!
* BLOGGER HASN'T BEEN BLOGGING MUCH. ENTRY FOR THIS DAY IS MASSIVE INCLUDING PICTURES. READ ONLY WHEN YOU CAN SPARE THE TIME!*

It is finally Thursday and the week is ending. Better log in this entry before it gets too basi. Feeling so tired and I really can't wait for the long weekend.

Last weekend was the best ever and for the holidays I'm just looking forward to just chilling out.

Haha! Weird isn't it?

It should be the other way round. Don't get me wrong. Was planning to spend the long weekend indulging myself with abit of partying & stuff but it was moved forward.

Goodness.... Let me tell you all about it.

After work on Friday, I went to Jurong Point straight away to buy myself a pair of comfortable shoes as I was planning to meet my uncle, Alfie. Going out with him.....

I can't actually dress up as our outings usually turn out to be unpredictable and

Loads of crazy stuff will take place.

Finally got myself that pair of shoes from Everlast. The nice flat comfortable ones that I've

always wanted to get but always end up distracted and buying

4 and 5 inches instead.

The ones I like were unfortunately unavailable in my size. Damn!!!

That always happens!

So anyway once I reached home after clearing up the mess in my room, I got ready.

Initially, we wanted to head to town to watch Ong Bak 2 but we missed the

9 plus slot so we headed down to Clarke Quay.

Went to Pump Room 1st as Alfie wanted to say hi to his former colleagues. Quite a fun bunch of group they are and after which, we went over to Fashion Bar to say hi to

Laura, Alfie's girlfriend.

Headed to Pump Room again for some dancing and serious drinking. I totally made a mistake. Should have gotten a Vodka Redbull rather than a Bourbon Coke.

By the time BF fetched me home, my head was spinning.

Once in bed, I disturbed him quite abit

when I had to crawl over him to get out of bed to head to the toilet and puke.

Since the next day was a Saturday, I had the pleasure of waking up late and since BF was working till late, I spent the day just lazing around. Decided to have

my empal penyet for dinner in town and since we were there I suggested watching Ong Bak2.

A nasty surprise came when I saw a guy look at BF, who was walking ahead of me, with a stunned expression. When I realised why the guy looked familiar, I

quickly looked to his side and as I live and breathe,

I was right.

The guy was Masnan, the fiance of BF's psychotic ex-girlfriend, Sharipah.

Now, this girl is really truly the crazy, possessive kind of person you do not want to have for a girlfriend or even as a boyfriend for that matter.

The kind of person who find nothing wrong in making you wait at a train station for an hour but shouts and screams at you at Orchard MRT station

if you so much as make her wait for 5 minutes.

Even worse, she's the kind of person who shouts at you in a public area and insists on knowing why you made her wait 5 minutes in front of her mother.

Yeah. She did just that right in front of BF's mom. How disrespectful can you get?

The kind of person where BF couldn't take it anymore with her attitude that he had to take drastic actions and went out with another girl to

show her that he seriously wanted out in of the relationship since telling her nicely that he wanted to break up didn't seem to work.

Actions which resulted in her going over to his house in the morning when his dad was still asleep and started screaming, crying and begging simultaneously.

When his dad woke up and told BF to just go as he had to report for reservist and that his dad will send her home, She stopped begging and started to punch him

and turn over his fan & broke it but the turning point came when she turned over the TV

and let it crash to the floor.

Yes, it is wrong for a guy to hit a girl but in this case I don't fault him for slapping her. Being hysterical is one thing but to this extent is too much

especially when it was done right in the presence of his dad who is a very nice person.

Tell me... you expect a guy to want you back after that stunt?

When BF left and his dad finally sent her home, he and BF's brother had to clean up the mess she made. After everything else she still had the cheek to meet up with

his mom cause both were working at Orchard at that time and badmouth BF to his mom and begging his mom to convince him to get back to her.

It was hard for me at 1st cause when I 1st got together with BF, his mom still held Sharipah in a good light until one fateful day that Sharipah finally showed her true colours

and admitted on Friendster that she actually thinks BF's mom

is pathetic and lots of degrading stuff

before finally admitting that she used his mother and that since the mother wasn't successful in convincing BF to get back with her. She found no more use for her and just disappeared.

Sweet girl. Ain't she?

Before I go on...

A note for you guys. All the above events are true to my knowledge. Thanks to his dad and mom and siblings and his friends who up till now still tease him about it.

So by now you get the drift and a rough idea of what she is like. To continue, I was really pleased to see her expression when she saw me. It was a mixture of panic and fear. Haha!

Story goes that she left a comment on BF's sister's Friendster profile calling me a slut and that I wouldn't stay long with BF cause BF didn't stay long with her

whereas she has everything in life and a fiance.

Since I know that she will read this cause my blog address is listed in my Friendster profile.

I have all this to say.

I actually snorted in indignation when I read it. She has everything in life? What the fuck makes her think that I don't? I HAVE everything in life short of happiness in a

relationship which GOD have blessed me now with the

arrival of BF in my life.

I have never been materialistic since I myself have time and again broken away from my family's lofty reputations and high figured incomes.

So if she is proud of those kind of things, she can jolly well shove it up her small flat ass

cause it doesn't make any impression on me and I fucking do not care any one microscopic iota.

Your parents handling a lontong business? Darling, my grandparents had and are still doing their lontong business too ever since the kampung days. In fact. Tapais,

sambal gorengs and loads more.

So yeah... I'm not impressed. You're proud of having money?

Whatever. To me.. It comes and it goes.

My family is comfortable but at least I don't look down on the ones that have humble upbringings.

Calling me a slut is totally uncalled for. Who the big fuck does she think she is anyway calling me that when she doesn't even know me? Not only that...

She has even said that I do not have to show off cause my tits only look big thanks to push up bras...

-_-"

Ouch...

This bitch is really pushing it isn't she?

Alright then... It's my turn now.

Let ME give you a Class 101 lesson on the art of all out bitching.

My chest already measures 36B and there is a saying 'when you got it, flaunt it'

News flash. I stopped wearing push ups since I was 16 just because of the fact that I don't actually need it. Even if I were to wear push ups, at least I have

something to basically push up unlike your.... what? 32A sized ones?

Anyway if you were to wear one it won't make any difference cause there's nothing.

Oh and yes... I look good wearing a bikini cause when you wear one, it is placed so high up your chest cause your chest is so flat, the term airplane runway and bee stings come to mind.

In fact when I look at pictures of you in a bikini standing beside your fiance,

I realised that your chest looks the same as his.

To be crude... If your fiance rasa steam, he can just gentel punat dia sendiri lah since it won't make any difference whatsoever between his and yours right?

So save your unfounded accusations to yourself cause it is obvious that when you don't have the support of a round bra cup, you are totally flat, If fact when I look

through photos of you, you shouldn't be getting 32As. You should be getting

training bras. Face it. Even when you're wearing t-shirts or so,

your bra is still high up your chest. It can't be that perky. Anyhoos the chest size you have now is exactly how it was like for me when I was in Primary 4.

One time, BF and I were walking around town and since there was a sale going around, we were leisurely browsing when I saw a top I liked displayed at Zara's window.

We went in and before I even had the chance to walk around,

I noticed her straight away.

I knew she was working in ZARA. I just didn't realised that she was working at the outlet in Taka. BF and I decided to leave cause we didn't want to spoil our mood.

Bad mistake cause the next day she texted BF's sister and claimed that I ran away from her when I noticed her at ZARA. Claimed that she had known that

I was one for big talk and that I was a coward & that I ran and pulled BF along cause I was afraid that if BF looks at her, old feelings would stir and BF would want to come back to her.

To me, that was just TOO FUCKING MUCH!!!! me? A FUCKING COWARD??!! RUN AWAY?!!!

$$@%%(*&$#&%&$^%*&$#^%%

I normally cuss like a sailor but this time my normal vulgar language does not even begin to reflect the intensity of the way I reacted.

So now you know why I relished in her fearful and panic stricken face during that encounter? If I am what she said I am, why was she the one with that look?

I showed her that I was the bigger person by looking both at her and her fiance in the eye, took satisfaction when both flinched, just said 'Ah FUCK' before turning away with

a disgusted look on my face. If this time she still say that

I'm still running away from her. I will personally hunt her down and wring her neck myself.

Oh... wait.. I don't need to hunt her down. If I'm not

wrong, she's working as a sales assistant for COACH in Changi Airport Terminal 2.

My sources are still as great as ever. Haven't totally lost my magic touch yet. Times like this I'm grateful for the connections I have since during my Minah days.

Dear Sharipah, when your name is as old school as that, I can understand why you would rather people call you Sheri. Yours is not even Sharifah or so but a Shari-PAH.

By the way, my name, NATASHA is a given name by my parents not like a glamour name like Sheri so assuming that I took on the name Natasha cause

I hate my own name for the fact that it's old school is totally baseless.

It's Nor Natasha and I'm bloody well proud of it.

If you wanna bitch about someone, please make sure you have the facts right 1st. Don't bitch about something so baseless and untrue that can just boomerang back to you.

Oh... and next time, do a abit of research on your adversary 1st. After all, you don't want to be caught in fear like that day at Cineleisure on the 17th of January 2009 do you?

Because it is really embaressing. In a way I'm glad I did not rise up that

much to your baiting. *Yawn* it is a known fact that I like my adversaries to look me straight in the eye without faltering and with their chin up.

Yeah. You do that and I will hand you the salute you deserve.

Anything less than that, you are not even worth the bloody ground I walk on.

Oh and since you like the P.S and ending everything with Yours Truly till you made it your trademark. Here's one from me...

P.S. I now know what a coward you are.

and to be bitchy just for the sake of it...

P.P.S. I have the butt and the chest. My figure is perfect and I have the looks.

My skin is not as horrible as yours and when I wear make up. My face

doesn't look 3-4 shades whiter than my neck. I have full lips and I'm
proud of it and my 2 front teeth are not that big. Instead of spending all your

money on your holidays. I suggest keeping aside some for a good facial care set.

It really isn't nice to see someone wearing thick make up to cover their

blemishes but yet the black and some bloody looking pimple marks

can still be seen especially for someone who thinks highly of themselves

like you or maybe just invest in some really good concealer.

P.P.P.S. Actually don't bother cause even if you treated your skin, went for implants for

both your tits and butt, filed you 2 front teeth to an acceptable size and

put in botox in your thin upper lip, It still won't prove that you can be better than me.

P.P.P.P.S. Comparing our other halves.... My MAN is better than your BOY cause he is that.

A MAN. Not a BOY. Anyway your BOY looks like he has down syndrome or

something... to me that is la...

But then you don't look that fantastic yourself. Just ok looking. Abit bland but

not really a person who can turn heads twice.

Clever of you though to take pictures with a bit of distance from the camera.

No close ups for you huh? or it's just only close up with edits or close ups

where you can see the difference between you white foundation overloaded face

and your yellow based neck.

Hur Hur Hur....

Do NOT even begin to think that you have any right to bitch

about

others you don't know about especially about people like me without

suffering the repercussions

YOURS TRULY,

NATASHA

And that my dear girl, is how you BITCH

Normally I wouldn't even mention the names of the people I bitch about

However in this case, I'll make an acception

I know sticks and stones won't break my bones and such

but you had better be thankful

that only words are exchanged. If I were still the

old me, I would have paid you a little visit. But as it were

you're very lucky this time round but remember

good luck tends to run out.

Puting aside my encounter with Sharipah

(Pssst... I'll upload her pictures when I have the time ok)

Guess who we bumped into that night too... None other than Alfie himself and Lisa, also an ex insomnian. Pleasant surprise after my not so pleasant one.

After chatting a bit, we decided to join them to Clarke Quay after our movies ended,

Us, Ong Bak 2. Them, College.

I have to say that Ong Bak 2 was not that great but it was FUCKING AWESOME! to me la...

different people have different views.

The moves and everything are FUCKTASTIC!!

Now I wish I had continued my martial arts lesson. Haiyah....

The ending was touching though. To have gotten a long way only to have ended up that way is really truly sad. Haiz...

Ok... On with it... One thing I like about going out with Alfie is that I can dress down. Don't get me wrong, I love dressing up which I do with the GFs

but to dress down means I can do all kinds of silly stuffs like dancing crazily,

doing stupid things with not a care in the world and

for this night out. We really went all out.

Vodka Redbull was the drink of the night. Heavy on the Vodka of course. Words can't explain how I enjoyed that night so I'm going to let the pictures of us do the talking for this case

The Uncle and the Niece. It's obvious we're related. Pulling faces are our specialty.

Ever wondered what a person with Fish Lips look like?

Laura, Lisa, Natasha & Saiful in Fashion Bar. From the pale to the tanned.

Alfie, Lisa, Natasha & Saiful in Pump Room.

Reserved for my one and onlyFashion Bar was great and we didn't wanna leave so they threw us out. haha! Before Laura thumps me. Kidding!!! :P

Passed out

Various state of drunken positions

In the end. Lisa fell asleep. Yeah she fell asleep like that.

Haha! So as you can see. We totally enjoyed ourselves. Too much I guess.

If you wanna look through more you can go check out my Friendster or Multiply.

www.frienster.com/damnenticing

http://www.decadentlaydee.multiply.com/

Sunday was spent at EXPO for the wedding exhibition. The amount of friends I bumped into was amazing. Obviously I'm gonna have a busy year this 2009.

Engagements and weddings to go to. Both BF and I were drawn Fatimah Mohsin's decor and RH Bridal's clothes.

They had this black color 60s themed mafia style gown and suit on display.

A black suit with hat for the guy and a black gown with some feathers for decoration for the hair.

Damn JAMBU la I tell you!

Afterwards we went to KK hospital cause GF Sue's babygirl, Roxy had high fever and was admitted. Poor thing she. When we arrived there her temperature went

down abit so I managed to play with her for awhile.

Her kakak, Rizny was being her usual mischievious self... talking in her own

baby language and playing here and there.

These two girls are seriously so cute la... gigit pipi!

Since we had abit of time, we headed to Cineleisure to watch College. The show is fucking gross I tell ya! 1 of the sickest comedy I have ever watched.

But in a funny sort of way. Eeeurgh!!!

I wanted to puke quite a few times while watching it.

Seriously... those with a weak stomach are not advisable to watch it.

Aiyah... but it's ok... only a few parts were gross.

Ok that's enough... I better go through my company email.

With Love

Till Then....

[53] different shitz different day

2009-01-02T15:08:00.007+08:00

Dear You

2nd January already xia... It is officially a new year and it totally sucks to have to work today. Just a day of work before the weekend. With most of the people still not back from their leave & holidays. The building is still slightly empty and some of them are on MC..

Still on holiday mood, I don't have much to do. What with the company implementing a hiring freeze for the time being, my work is damn easy. What I will be doing on a daily basis. Chat with GF Sue on the office IM. gossip about everything & everyone. Surf the net for more ideas on holiday destinations.

The plan to go to the UK is off since Alfie & Laura are planning to go Gold Coast. Maybe BF & I will join them. It's been awhile since I've stepped foot on Australia. It's been a long while since L.A & San Francisco so I've decided that L.A will be the place to go to come 2010.

In the meantime. Rather then heading to Bangkok this Chinese New Year holidays, plans to go to Genting are underway. BF's brother is totally scared of heights & scary rides so we're going to go there & force him on it. *evil laugh

Bali next come April. How exciting. BF can't wait to surf. Woo Hoo!!! thinking of the plans I have for the year of 2009 has already got me thinking that it will be a great year. Not forgetting that my engagement will be in June. People who I know are definitely invited okay. Be there or be square. Ok... lame... Nak datang datang la. Tak nak takpe tak paksa.

Year 2008 for me was okay. My life was relatively smooth-sailing. Not much problems. Not much heartaches. Just 1 incident that has made me sad but I've moved on.

Insya'Allah, 2009 will be better.

My resolutions are simple....

1. I aim to be at least 90% happier in my life for the year 2009.

2. Travelling of course to more destinations.

3. To be 25. ( Which obviously will happen)

If you noticed. My resolutions are all those that can be achieved. I'm tired of making resolutions that have totally no hope of achieving. Like for example:-

1. To calm down & not always be irritated so much.

I have always made this particular resolution year after year to no avail. Me calming down? ha BLOODY ha! That will be the day.

And... my resolutions for 2009 are only 3! Ok 2 if you don't count the 3rd because whether I want to or not not matter how hard I try. I will still be 25 come October. A year older & hopefully a year wiser of course.

Anyway my countdown was spent at Clarke Quay. Sorry people. No pics. I had actually charged my digicam's batt however when I was rushing to leave the house I just grabbed my camera so I went out with it sans battery.

-_-'

Punya la pandai Tasha...

We reached BF's crib late so of course we woke up late. Around 12 in the afternoon in fact.

We basically just lazed around at his crib cause it was raining. A very nice day to manja-manja but I'll spare you the details.

Then now today work... It's ok. Time seems to be passing quite fast.

Hmmm... Better check out coach prices for the coming CNY.

Till then....

[52] different shitz different day

2008-12-31T09:30:00.002+08:00

Dear You

31st December already... Hours more before the countdown to the New Year & I'm still undecided as to where celebrating it will be perfect. Was supposed to be on leave today & fly off to Jakarta in the afternoon to celebrate it there however unforseen circumstances caused me to cancel my leave. Haiyah... Now I'm stuck here.

Takpelah... Planning to go to lots of holidays in the coming year so I'll need more leave. Bali in April (confirmed) weee!!!! Going to visit Abg Eggs there. He helped to set up a bar, Oceans27 which is located at Discovery Shopping Mall ( Beachfront ) Kuta Beach. Whenever you guys are going Bali drop by okay... Huzaini aka Abg Eggs is the greatest person ever. Friendly, nice.. everything la.. Being part of the team in setting up Centro Jakarta in also in his resume.

So I'm sure it would be a fantastic place.

Hmmm... other destinations I have in mind is Bangkok... another shopping expedition. Probably in June. Preferably when whatever chaos happening there is over. Possibly going there more than once. Either with the GFs or BF. Koh Samui is also in my list and not forgetting the UK... Better tell my "uncle" Alfie to let me know when he and Laura are going there. Laura's British so I'm going to convince them to let me tag along. Woo Hoo!!!

But all that means no more unnecessary buys unless needed. Alamak! Forgot about my engagement preparations. Walauwei... Nak kena banyak saving ni..

GOD! I'm so sleepy. Wish I'm home or that I'm going home soon but no.. Got to work a full day. Tapi kalau boss dah balik then boleh cabut. Urgh! Work is a drag when you're in holiday mood. I could have been on the way to the airport now but now that plans have changed, I'm wondering where to head to tonight.

We can go here and there and everywhere but some of BF's friends are driving and traffic can be a bitch. There won't be any parking space. It will take forever to get from one point to the other. Tempers will flare. Oh wait... I mean MY temper will flare. As his budak-budak Yishun has pointed out. Everyone seems to get on my nerves. Alah... what to do. I just don't like the hassle.

Right.. I'm getting bored. Gonna walk around thebuilding and disturb my colleagues.

Till then...

[51] different shitz different day

2008-12-22T16:05:00.017+08:00

Dear You

Last Friday night was spent with the GFs with a night out to Movida. It's not always we girls gather for a night out what with all of us busy in our own personal life but when we do meet up. It will always be a blast. Kak Rosie (GF Sue & my colleague) joined us for that night out with her boyfriend. Though it was abit no make it damn crowded, we had fun nonetheless. A blast in fact. Except for on bloody Mat-Salleh who tried to take advantage of the fact that it was crowded, the night went on smoothly after I gave him the evil eye. Haha... Times like this,I love the fact that I can just scare & warn people of with that look. BF was so irritated with me cause I took such a bloody long time to get ready. Then when I'm finally done & we were in his parking lot, I realised that I forgot my ciggies & he went back up to take it. As a result he was cranky cause he was late in meeting his friends. Well boo-hoo.. HEh.. K la... have a look see @ some of the pics.

When he went back up to take my ciggies

When we finally managed to squeeze our way thru

Having fun on the dance floor

Dancing the early morning away

Drink up

Me & Ana

Sue & Kak Rosie

Me & Sue

Ana, Me & Lin

Ana sibok nak selit

So there you have it. I have to tell you... When I finally reached BF' place, my feet were hurting & I was walking in my stockinged feet. Haha... but fun! fun! fun! Possibly Zirca next? We'll see.

I have a confession.. I have fallen in love or rather... fallen in lust.

Went to catch a midnight movie on Saturday, watched Twilight & yeah... I'm lusting for Edward Cullen aka Robert Pattinson...

The movie is ok though some might disagree but shucks to you all. It's nice I tell you. To be honest some of the angles didn't exactly compliment Rob's features but at other angles. He's HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pale but

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't mind me. I have a great BF but I'm a sucker for guys with dark brooding looks. The way they can look at you with such intensity. I adored Rob in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. He was playing the part of Cedric who unfortunately died. In that movie he looked cute.

But in Twilight he's

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haha! Ok Tasha. Stop it xia.

*swoon

I'm seriously drooling...

This is one of the movie stills that I like... The way he looks at her... Yeow Zaa...

With his brooding looks, his hair, the way he spoke... he totally pulled off the role beautifully. I can't wait for the sequel. Vampires are meant to be mesmerizing and he sure as hell mesmerized me.

Earlier I called BF and said ' B, I have to confess something. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have but I did.'

When he asked me what the hell I was talking about, I answered 'I've fallen in love & I'm fantasising about someone else other then you'

After a beat, BF demanded to know who so I answered Edward Cullen.

There was silence before he answered, ' you know.. sometimes I worry about you. Sometimes you are seriously weird. You betol aliens tak pernah kidnap you & did something to your brain?'

-_-'

Nabeh betol dia..

On with my fantasy, forget Prince Charming. If a vampire is as hot as Edward Cullen... oops.. Rob Pattinson. For him I would be a vampire. After all... The forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest.

Oh God... I gotta stop... Before I start gushing & make all of you puke..

Ta-ta...

Till then....

[50] different shitz different day

2008-11-03T14:19:00.003+08:00

Dear You

Once again I have been neglecting my blog. Not that I intend to mind you... It's just that I've been feeling more & more tired or lazy as some might say and truth to be told. I'm getting a little brain dead as time goes by.

The month of October has been quite busy for me and there is actually loads to talk about but whenever I log in to Blogger, I would have these moments of hesitation. What with Hari Raya celebrations, people coming in for interviews, new employees and Deepavali... Not to mention of course... my Birthday!

Hari Raya was so far so good... House visits for me were cut down due to the fact that I was sick most of the time and just too fucking lazy. Enduring the same questions of when I'm going to settle down and get married is getting tedious and my mom knowing her daughter doesn't even try to force or bribe me to go.

Even she know that when I'm irritated I won't be able to stop myself from saying something or making a face. Don't get me wrong... I'm not exactly rude to my elders. My parents taught me to be better then that. However it's those relatives who are not close that I can't stand. The ones who think they have the right to nose into other people's business. The ones who loves to brag. The ones who finds delight in others' downfall. The ones who gossip. The ones who... well you get the picture.

I seriously can't stand this people and it takes great control for me not to actually say.. ' oh really? well I saw your daughter the other night in a club drunk and vomiting and grinding with a bunch of guys who clearly weren't her friends nor her boyfriends'

Emphasis on the word GREAT CONTROL...

I mean... what exactly the fuck is their problem. Aku nak kahwin siang ke lambat ke. Pakaian aku macam gini ke macam gitu ke. Itu suka hati aku!

Man... these people really get on my tits.

Work. Work is fine with a few exceptions. 2 people who have been given nicknames from yours truly and the GF. 2 people who will always be the butt of our jokes, gossip and what not.

1. Mop - why we call her mop was because during Hari Raya season. She came to work wearing baju kurung. Which looks perfectly fine except for the fact that her hair which was always tied up in a bun was left free and to its own devices. Which was quite funny I tell ya cause as the time passed her hair slowly " bloomed". Haha! Why "bloomed"?

Cause in the morning her hair was relatively neat and sooner or later it started to frizz up and was about to stand on ends. Like a flower, when it's closed and soon it will open up. I'm sure she must have realised that we were trying to control our laughter. GF and I have never been great on subtlety. We could never keep a straight face.

But sucks to 'mop', she is like this makcik2 type who thinks highly about herself and thinks that the right to insult and make use of people solely hers. She must have had quite a shock when she found out that the GF and I don't take no shit from anyone even though the person is older. Workload for us has slightly eased up as she realised that we would throw her work back at her.

2. Berus Jamban - if you've read a few of my previous entries, you would have read about my complaints on a certain cleaner guy at work. Well. Now GF and I decided to call him toilet brush. Cause there was this one particular day, I saw his arranging his hair and when he came around to my side of the office.

I got into a fit of giggles. Apparently he wet his hair and tried to do some kind of spiky style but failed horribly cause in the 1st place as GF would say. He has a fucking stupid hair cut. Really not the kind where you would think it's nice. In fact he totally looks like a fucking retard!

Why do I lets say anti him is because he's the kind of person who would try to woo anyone young in skirts. When I had just started, he kept walking to and fro in front of my desk for no particular reason. I admit that I'm "face-ist". If I think the guy is so not cute then he's not up to my standard. Fuck you people who says that looks are not important.

Puh-lease...

You look at people and if that person doesn't look good, you immediately start to comment on his clothes, hair and what-nots. However if the guy is oh sooo cute, of course you would feel the attraction. I am just being realistic when I say that I would only go for guys who looks good and knows how to dress well and knows how to style their hair. I'm vain, if I look good naturally I want my BF to look good.

But I'm digressing...

Anyways, he would try to gain approval or as we malay would say it... 'membodek' to all the ladies by giving them those kind of cheap shot comments like 'you look so pretty today like beyonce... like angelina jolie...' aiyah.. you know what I mean. Gf and I having been through years of those kind of comments from guys naturally recoiled with disgust. He would ask 1 of the makciks for our number and he has this habit of singing malay love songs when he walks by you. So bloody typical right? Step mana nye jiwang je.

Oh and when you just ignore him... he would sit or stand somewhere near you and stare at you. I'm thinking that maybe he thinks that he is giving a sexy, seductive look but no!

At one point I was so fed-up I turned to him and said out loud 'yes? is there any particular reason why you are looking at me like some kind of pervert?' He was obviously shocked and dropped his eye and mumbled something. So I just said 'good because if you are, I'm bringing you down for sexual harassment'

Like a dog with his tail between his legs, he quickly walked off. Aarrgghhh!!! Seriously... Sometimes I feel like beating the shit out of him. To add on to my dislike. Just because he is the cleaning supervisor,he thinks he's some kind of big shot. He orders the cleaning ladies around while he just sit around and walk around and smoke. If it happens that the morning cleaning lady is not around then the whole office will be untidy. But one can't say anything cause he has done so much ass-kissing that people will back him up.

Also whenever the cleaning ladies bring packet food from home he will be the 1st one to open and dig in. How fucking inconsiderate is that! Jantan sengket nak step mana nye big shot. He actually has the cheek to ask one of them to question on what kind of transportation BF and GF's husband has, what they work as. Of course I suspect that it's him being kaypo. It's very suspicious when I see him talking to the makcik then straight away comes to me to 'interrogate'

Ok... I better stop talking about him or my blood will boil.

Recently we had a few job openings, you should have seen the amount of people writing in for the Admin Asst position. When I got back from my leave, I had 573 emails! To think that I had to go through and screen and shortlist and print each and every one of them makes my head fucking pound.

Note to all you people who are sending in their resumes to companies. Can you please NOT send your resume like 5-6 times?

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM? JUST BECAUSE YOU SEND IT SO MANY BLOODY TIMES DOESN'T MEAN YOU WILL GET 1ST PRIORITY! IN FACT IT'S THE OPPOSITE, WE IMMEDIATELY PUT A BIG FAT RED 'NO' ON IT!

DO YOU FUCKING COMPRENDE??!!

God! The world is full of fucking idiots! Kalau dorang susahkan diri dorang takpe... Susahkn hidup orang lain pulak.

On to the next story...

My birthday this year was celebrated in a low key way. I didn't get drunk, I didn't spent the next day convalescing. In fact it was mellow... mostly I chilled out with BF... being lovey-dovey and no. I won't go into all the details.. I'll spare you guys on this one.

The long weekend following Deepavali was quite so-so... Since it was raining at unpredictable moments. Time was spent lazing around. Went JB.. went to a wedding escort and on Deepavali itself, we wanted to go to Sentosa however it rained... again.. so it ended up that I almost blew half of my pay shopping.

Poor BF had to carry all the bags and in the end we struggled to pack the stuff into helmet bags. Kan i dah cakap... ambik lesen kreta lagi bagus.

Ok la... I need to get back to those resumes

Till then....

[49] different shitz different day

2008-10-02T14:31:00.004+08:00

Dear You

First and foremost, I would like to wish a Selamat Hari Raya to all the muslims from all over the world.

I have managed to restrain myself from blogging for the whole of the whole fasting month. Yup... me knowing myself and my vulgar language and my tendency to bitch about everybody and everything have practised abstinence in order to get abit of pahala...

Alah... I stress on the word ABIT!

Even though my blog has been quiet, I for one will never be. Pity BF cause he has to be like a sponge to soak up all my bitching and whining. Haizz... Love him for being ever so patient with me.

Kesian baby I...

I actually have quite a few pics to be uploaded. I'm sure most would say that it's already basi already since the pics are of me going out for iftar with friends. But hell.. What do I care.. Really hadn't had the time since I'm busy with work, cleaning house, going out and getting sick.

I had the fucking fever on the 24th of Sept and while the fever is gone, I'm still having the freaking cough and bloody flu. It's damn irritating I tell you.. I'm tired of sneezing and having blocked nose and coughing.

I'm sure it's not very enjoyable for BF either as I'm always restless in bed when I'm sick. With him being the type who would jerk awake when it comes to me tossing and turning, it is of no wonder that he's always sleepy.

I actually have quite some things to let out. Or rather some people. Namely. The cleaner guy at my workplace. The irritation of seeing him everyday at work was at first simmering and now it has taken a turn to boiling.

FUCKING MENYAMPAH I tell you!

ISH!!!!

Sometimes I really feel like throwing something at just to have the satisfaction of seeing him hurt. I know I'm being mean but I can't help it. Really freaking annoying guy. I would really love to say more about him but maybe on another day.

Si Tasha ni mentang-mentang Ramadhan dah habis terus buat dosa pulak..

Anyway.. I hope everyone had a great time for Hari Raya. For the kids especially of course, my pockets are nearly empty. Some of my aunts are really like baby factories. Makin ramai budak-budak kecik datang rumah aku semalam... Dah macam childcare centre go wild.

Haizz... Belum lagi jumpa the friends with kids... My pockets will be totally turned out. How I wish I was young again.

However.. I managed to pamper myself... Mestilah... Prepare untuk raya kan... Ever since in school I have always loved experimenting on my hair which means dyeing it in all kinds of colours. However that stopped when I lopped off my long hair early last year.

Not that I wanted to... GF Sue had cut her hair into a concave bob. And! fashioning herself into being the evil voice of Satan himself, she urged me to cut mine as well. Urged, cajoled, tempted.. everything la...

Mind you, her hair was right down to her hips whereas mine was midway down my back to the elbows. At that point of time, her argument in justifying herself was quite reasonable. I was quite low back then what with me being played a fool by the one I had loved, I took into consideration her suggestion of cutting my hair as 'buang sway' meaning throwing off the bad luck I've been having with guys.

It took the first snip of the scissors to actually make me realise what I had got myself into. Too late I remembered that comparing me and her, my hair would take ages to grow out and hers would grow out quite fast. I remembered that I had already started muttering and cursing her by the 3rd snip.

But she as usual.. laughed and waved it off. Hmph..

In the end... not only did I have a shorter hair cut, I let it grow out to it's original colour.

So now, I've dyed and highlighted it. Unfortunately it wasn't very satisfactory. I usually go to this small salon at Far East and she does a very good cut and hair colour. I tried to book an appointment but she was full. Again unfortunately she is usually the only one in the shop.

Since I was around a bunch of salons in my area. I went to the one where I used to go to when I was younger. However the person who ever did my hair was no longer there and I had to content myself with this lady who was rushing here, there and everywhere.

Never ever get your hair done a few days before the festivities. It's a mad rush. The stylists won't be able to concentrate on you. I ended up with a colour that while ok, it wasn't what i wanted. My base looked my orangey-red then the chocolate brown that I wanted and my highlights looked more golden than the platinum blond that I wanted.

At least my hair length is better. No worries. By next year, I'll have a new hair colour again.

When GF Sue said that it was ok overall, I shot back that it was can live with the colour but not the hair length. Believe it or not she actually had the nerve to argue back that she had nothing to do with my decision to cut my hair. When I reminded her that she did and related it to her.

She can laugh and said that yes she did and that she had forgotten. She is totally without remorse! Se-PAK kan!

Well, what did I expect. Coming from a person who made me swore off short skirts when clubbing cause she will be the person who will burn your thigh with her cigarette. It was purely and accident. But after it happened twice. Never again. Her best excuse, 'the mark will be a token of love for our friendship'

-_-'

She's utterly nuts.

Next thing I did was some eyelash extensions. Courtesy of... who else but GF Sue. She kept on and on about it and knowing that I'm as willing to try out all the new stuff like her what with me being vain and all that, it didn't take her long to convince me of the benefits of enhancing our beauty.

Cheh... Menyampah..

It took me 5 hours to convince BF. (He thinks that it's a waste of money and that it's unnecessary. What do guys know anyway right?) and with a bit of fibbing on my part (Sue pretended that she will pay for it) I got my way.

So 2 days before Syawal after we break our fast and walking around the bazaar looking for GF Sue and Lin's kebaya, we headed down to City Plaza to do the deed. As it so happens, There was only one person who was qualified to do our eyelashes, the other lady was sick because of full bookings for the past two weeks so she had fever and took mc. Kesian. And the other lady was only qualified to do the hair extensions.

We reached there @ 9pm and it took 45 mins for each person. Since I was the last one, by the time I was done, it was already nearing to midnight. When Shidah (Sue's sis-in-law) was done with her turn, her eyes were quite red but it didn't sting. When Sue was done, her eyes were red and tearing quite badly for an hour plus.

As for me, I gloated that even though I was tearing abit, mine didn't sting. Hah, it certainly fooled me, By the time I reached home to collect my stuff as I was sleeping over BF's place, my eyes were stinging like I had acid thrown into my eyes and they became totally swollen to the point where BF told me that once I reached his place, I had better tell his mom straight away that I did my eyelashes before she start thinking the worst and shouting at him for making me cry.

I was so frustrated I tell you. It fucking hurts like hell for me! I was already whining to BF that I regretted doing it. But after overnight when I woke up, it was better and my eyes weren't so swollen. It takes a couple of days but I'm loving it now. My colleagues have commented on them and it's honestly really bloody nice I tell you.
oh... and while we were already lying in bed and about to go to sleep..
BF turned and asked me 'I thought you said Sue is going to blanja you?'
When he saw the big smile on my face, he pinched me and yelled 'PENIPU!'
hehehe...

As I was saying to Sue, I don't know about the rest of the women here in Singapore but Sue and I really have the habit of letting ourselves being in pain in order to look good.

BF says ' BAH! whatever! Girls are weird people!'

Till then...

[48] different shitz different day

2008-09-01T14:57:00.002+08:00

Dear You

It's the 1st day of the fasting month. Yup. The day has finally arrived. This is going to be the shortest entry ever made by me.

Selamat berpuasa!

Till then....

[47] different shitz different day

2008-08-27T12:58:00.003+08:00

Dear You

I'm getting tired of looking out of the window and see the rain pouring down. The wet season is obviously on it's way. Standby the umbrellas everyone... For a person like me (who absolutely abhors bringing umbrella) this is pure torture. It's dampens one's mood and it's difficult to walk around. I remember one time BF and I rushed to Far East Plaza with the intention of changing my books when there was a break in weather. A break which lasted only a bloody 10 mins before it started pouring with a vengeance. Needless to say.. I was very pissed off...

Another time, when there was a lull in the weather, we decided to watch some midnight show at Cineleisure. Since it didn't rain for 3 days, we were hoping that it wouldn't rain on that particular day. However, as Murphy's Law dictates.. whatever that can go wrong, will go wrong. Right after the movie ended at 1 plus am, when we just came out of the mall, just about to light up. it poured. There wasn't any warning whatsoever, it just came down in sheets.

I was bloody pissed off! In the end we spent the time waiting for the rain to end by chilling at Gloria Jean's. It didn't let up. Let's just say that when it finally stopped, when we reached home to his place. It was nearly 7am. Poor BF was already nodding off to sleep. See sayang... it's a very good reason to get a car license and a car. Cheh... padahal I have had the opportunity loads of times only I was too lazy. Don't care... Gonna do it next month. No more excuses.

In the meantime... I'll just sit one corner and grumble.

P.S. totally random entry

Till then....

[46] different shitz different day

2008-08-25T12:26:00.002+08:00

Dear You

Monday again... however I'm not feeling any of the Monday blues today. I woke up feeling ok. Not grumpy or anything and time seems to pass by quite fast today. Not sure bout the rest of you but to me it is. Also... I may be up for a promotion. So after lunch I have to go for understudy with the person that I may be working with in the future. Quite fast huh? Well... Apparently the people here will give you that chance if they see the potential in you. I didn't suck up to anyone if that is what you're thinking. It's just that except for a certain few egotistical idiots, the rest of the staff here are very warm and friendly so naturally you'll treat them in the same way.

Not sure how the work will be like. From what I see from the previous lady, she was always rushing here and there but it could be because she's doing 2 jobs. She's also being promoted to another department and so far the people they have interviewed for her position has never been satisfactory so for the time being it's very hectic for her. But I can't give the job a test run till they found a temp who could cover me for the week or 2 at most. Honestly I won't start until the find someone too. I wouldn't want to run around like a headless chicken.

Not really sure if I will have the opportunity to blog if I were promoted though but we'll see. But you know what... The pay raise will be great. WOO HOO!! Anyway... my weekend sucks. It would have been great if it wasn't for the bloody rain. I was so annoyed that it rained almost the whole day on Sunday! BF and I had to take cab and bus when we went out. That does it! I'm going to stick it through. Enough of enrolling and not turning up for the course. Once I have my license, it will be so much easier for me.

A few weeks back I told BF to get his car license rather then going for his Class 2 and he told me to give him a good reason to convince him to do so since he has absolutely no interest in cars as bikes are his passion. I slept over his place during the weekend so when we were getting ready to go out and it started to rain buckets, I turned and said to him 'remember that time you wanted a good reason to get a car license? that is my bloody good reason to you'

He just made a face and agreed that it was. So next week both of us are going to enroll. Talked it out with my parents and they agreed to get me a car AS LONG as I pay for the lesson myself. That's a relief. It's a very good motivation. Don't get me wrong. My parents are not spoiling me. They are getting me a car but they're not paying full for it ok. We're going dutch on the payments with the agreement on my part that when BF and I get married then the other half will be shifted to him. Sounds ok right? Well... get the license 1st then I can talk. Haha...

Aww... It looks like it's going to rain again. Shit! I hate to bring umbrella. Looks like I will get wet if it's raining after I finish work.

5 more days to go before BF and I can make our final plans. I CAN'T WAIT!!!

And....

It's another week to go before fasting month starts. Time flies huh? After another month, it will be Hari Raya and MY birthday!! Wow... Gonna be the end of the year soon. So far, my year has been great and I hope it will continue to be the same for always.

Ok gotta go prepare myself just in case the temp turns up today.

Till then....

[45] different shitz different day

2008-08-21T15:34:00.003+08:00

Dear You

I realised that I have never written so many entries in a month ever since I started my blog. Since I have alot of free time on my hands as I tend to finish my work quite fast even though I try to pace myself as slowly as possible... Blogging is now a regular habit.

I feel like this a a slow week for me but I think that it is only because BF and I have planned something at the end of the month which makes the days and hours and minutes drag by. I so can't wait for that particular day to finally dawn on my life. Wish I have that universal control from the movie 'Click' with me.. Hoo well... just waiting is as much I can do for now.

Damn...

Patience was never a virtue of mine. In fact patience and I are only passing acquintances.

Yesterday I had a very nice surprise. For starters, since BF ended work early, he fetched me from my workplace and headed to Jurong Point for dinner. Nothing fancy... It's been awhile since we ate Long John Silver. Sat and talked and after we're done, we were walking around doing abit of window shopping when BF finally said he wanted to take a smoke before heading back.

However after we finished smoking, he dragged me inside again and I was totally confused. I got a pleasant shock when he dragged me to Soo Kee jewellery. Apparently after hearing me say that 1 of the wedding bands were nice. He decided to have a look see. Imagine my surprise when after being shown the rings and tried on a few, he turned to me and asked whether I really fancy it.

Which was silly cause of course I fancied it like mad. But I got a shock when he looked at me in the eyes and said... "Then we'll take it" I was standing there like a fool with my mouth gaping while he was smilling. Apparently triumphant that he managed to shock me out of my shoes. He insisted that he meant it. After conversing with the salesgirl and taking her namecard, he pushed me out the door.

When I told him that I know he was joking, he told me that he was serious and that he was going to bring me around to check out a few more jewellery stores since he knew that I was fickle-minded and that if I really fancied the rings at Soo Kee, we will be coming back by next week to buy it.

The idea is weird really cause they only need 6 to 8 weeks tops for the ring to be ready for collection and it was not really logical cause we are planning for the big event to be held sometime next year and if he order it next week, it will still be a long way to go. His simple solution. Buy it then keep it till the day comes.

-_-'

Crazy... Don't get me wrong... I'm estatic but still...

He can still say that if I wanted, I can actually consider it as an engagement ring and when it's nearing the big day, we can go out and find another ring. Ridiculous.

But... Hehehehe...

Have a look. These 2 are my favourite designs. Which design is nice do you think?

P.S. I'M LOVING HIM!!

Till then...

[44] different shitz different day

2008-08-19T15:41:00.003+08:00

Dear You

I am FUCKING bored!!!!!

The normal stuff of course... My work's done and I have totally nothing to do. Wah... I really feel like I makan gaji buta man... Great I know but it really does get boooorrriiiinnnggg.....

Oh... I was pissed earlier with my mom. She called and said she threw 1 of my underwear because she was annoyed that it stained her clothes not once but twice.

When I asked her which underwear, I almost cried when I heard her answer.

The underwear she threw was 1 of my favourites... It was a very enticing shade of lavender purple. The material was as soft as a feather. It was very smooth. No VPL and it fits me like a 2nd skin. It was also BF's favourite. Favourite as in he liked seeing me wearing it ok! I paid like 20 plus dollars for it. Cause that underwear was bought from Blush!

I was nearly shrieking into the phone to my mom who was somewhat shocked that I would react so unexpectedly.

Me ' Why did you have to throw it!'

She, confused ' I just told you. I'm fed up with it. When you washed it last time, it stained my shirt. This time it stained my jeans and and work pants so I threw it away '

Me ' Ma... It costs me nearly $30!'

She, after a minute of silence ' Why did you go and buy such expensive underwear? Not like anyone can see it'

Me 'Because I fell in love with it. It's soft and nice!' In my head, 'and because Ipul likes it too'
'I bought it from Blush!'

She, ' Crazy! No wonder so expensive. You know how many underwear you can buy with $30? Some cheap ones are nice too. Anyway... if you buy underwear that expensive and the colour runs, it's not good. It's actually poisonous to the skin.'

Me ' Still.... It's Blush!'

She, ' Haiyah... times like this you're very unreasonable '

and she hangs up.

Nabei....

I'm going to mourn..... Until BF buys me another 1 like it..

:P

Till then...

[43] different shitz different day

2008-08-18T13:21:00.002+08:00

Dear You

Back to work.. Feeling the Monday Blues. Overall the weekend for me was ok. I feel that the weekends are getting shorter and shorter. I feel even more sorry for the BF as he has to work during the weekends thanks to his company's project.

Anyhoo... Last Saturday was our 1 year anniversary.. Time flies yeah? We're already a year and erm... 2 days together. So far so good. BF and I spent most of the year together laughing and altogether being happy, romantic and mushy. I'm not saying that we didn't have any arguments. Like all couples we do have the occasional quarrels but it wouldn't last long. Not for a day. Not even for an hour. Hmm.. So far we only had 2 major bust-ups but those fizzled out quite quickly. Those who know me would know how easily I get angry and how my temper is like. So being with BF is great cause he really is the water to my fire. I pity him for those times when he had to bear the brunt of my anger, frustration, irritation, fickle-mindedness.. everything lah.. I would get angry and he would just keep silent while I went about bitching about everything and every person I clap my eyes on... People's clothes, hair.. how the stupid car is in a stupid color, how the stupid tree is shedding its stupid leaves at the wrong time... basically I am really showing what a horrible person I can be but he would take it in his stride and just went along with everything i said.

Hmmm...

That is not counting the times when my temper gets really full-blown and I would smash whatever stuff I'm holding against the wall or to the ground.

A medal should be given to him. My poor BF.

In return he would still treat me well and talk to me nicely. Haizz... I so don't deserve him.

He's a good influence for me. Who knows 1 day.. You'll see a totally different me.. All cool and calm and quiet. Not like to mentally unstable person that I was before..

Wait... Did I hear groans there... Shame on you disbelievers...

I reckon that I AM able to change myself and I would! But of course I would still retain abit of it cause after all... I wouldn't exactly be me would it?

I mean... who wouldn't know Natasha. The one with such charming personality and kind heart...

Yeah right...

*sniggers

Well anyway.. I'm bored and I totally have nothing to do. I've done the work I have even though I've paced myself.

Sometimes I wonder what most of the people are doing around here...

Seriously... I just found out that the Admin Assistants employed by this company earns quite a sum.. Get this... They bring back around 3k plus. Yes! BRING BACK!

All because these people have a degree.

Unfortunately for me I've only been sub-contracted here so no.. that sum is like 1/2 more than what I'm earning. If you think that they work damn hard to earn that kind of sum.

You are SO BLOODY WRONG!!!!!!!

Fuck... the people here are fucking slack lah... come in to work only break for breakfast. Lunch takes 1 hours. Their tea break is an hour. I see them walking here and there. Taking smoke breaks.. gossiping in the pantry. Taking a rest in the wellness room.

Seriously... when I call them or go to their desks, they are always fucking not around!

Sometimes they come in at 9.30am when work starts at 8.30am and they will leave on the dot at 5.30pm. Some even earlier like 4pm..

Their welfare and benefits here are fucking fantastic. It's no wonder some of the staffs here have worked more than 20 years. It's true.

Compared to them.. my welfare and benefits is a pittance. But hey... I can't complain all that much.. My work here is fairly easy. To the point where I'll be staring out the window and counting the cars going by the highway. Sad but true.

Even here I am not shielded by the stupidity of some people.

Here's 2 examples on how some people who supposedly have brains (judging from their many educational certs) are stupid in the simple things in life.

1] The other day, I was over at the Reception desk when 1 of the staff kept pushing at the door. Now our door is the magnetised type where you have to press on a door release button. So the staff kept on pushing and faced me and the Receptionist with a bewildered look on her face.

I told her to press the round button and she pressed... the light switch which was the normal rectangular kind. Then I said no... that's the light switch. It's the round button beside it. So she pressed... the other light switch.. My mouth was nearly open at her stupidity. So I said it's the one that has the label door release. She looked even more puzzled while she tried to look around for it.

I was so exasperated.. Finally I said slowly and gesticulating with my hands. "It's. The. Round. Button. With. The. Yellow. Label. That. Says. Door. Release. Button. Next. To Your Finger." Then she finally gets it and smile while happily pushing the button and walking out.

Honestly I wanted to strangle her. I found out that she has been working here a year. Granted, the contractors magnetised the door recently but it was nearly 7 months ago. So how has she been going out the door all these while I wonder...

2] Like I have just mentioned, the staff here are always not at their desks but even if they are, they will never EVER answer their phones. FYI... the calls are all screened by the Receptionist so that means there are no0 sales calls or anything. Just calls from people they are dealing with but even so.. they just can't be bothered. So for the case of my department, I am the one who have to entertain these calls and honestly some of the callers are really quite dumb.

Like today.. a staff from the other building called a staff here but couldn't get through to him. So she asked me.. why is it that when I tried to call him and his line is engaged. I went all quiet when I heard this because it was so incredulous. So I said pardon me. She said again. I've been trying to call him but his line is engaged. why is that so. I said it could be because he's on the line?

"Aahhh... so that's why... ok then..." Another time. Somebody called me. " Eh.. I tried to call so and so and her line kept ringing but she didn't answer and it went to voicemail. Why ah?" Me "Umm... maybe she's not at her desk?? The answer... "Oh yah hoh...."

How bloody stupid can you get??

Sometimes I feel like going up to them and say kill me now...

I guess common sense is not so common for some people right?

Oh well...

P.S. I will be getting engaged next year... February most probably. However BF and I have a plan. So if all goes well... We will probably get married straight away. If all goes well that is. If not, we'll stick to the engagement plans.

Till then...

[42] Different Shitz Different day

2008-08-08T16:45:00.002+08:00

Dear You

It's 4.45pm, the eve of a holiday and yet I'm still at the office. No half day for me. For some of the other staff they got the leave and the half day privilege. However the company will be closed on Monday so that's a consolation.

Last Saturday the Bf and I went to The Arena with my girlfriends. It's been so long since we went clubbing what with us all being so busy with our lives. But Sue had really wanted to go since it's already 2 months passed ever since she gave birth. Last I went there John Molina's band was the in house band but I was pleasantly surprised to see a different band from the States playing. Very nice with the latest songs and them being African-American... It was infused with alot of Rnb and Hip Hop beats.

Had to leave by 4 though as Bf had work the next day. But it was great to meet up with the girls. Tomorrow's National Day. Still haven't confirmed with the Bf the destination to go to. Wanted to watch the fireworks but I can't stand the crowds. Me being the hot-tempered impatient person, I'm sure there will be people who will incur my wrath. I think I'll leave soon. The rest of my department has left and I think I'll finish up some little things and leave by the 5.15pm transport. Maybe I'll do a spot of shopping over at Jurong Point. I need to get more Victoria Secret's body splash and some new clothes... Hmmm.....

I can hear Bf nagging away in my mind... Oh well... I'm sure he will want me to look and smell good. Kheheh...

Till then....

[41] different shitz different day

2008-07-31T16:33:00.002+08:00

Dear You

I totally do not understand what is so great in being someone who thinks that they know-it-all and act all superior. So far the people here have been great. Most of them anyway. There are a few who are the typical office bitches. Yeah.. Typically they are ladies. There's these 2 ladies unfortunately Malay, who think that they are so up to par with the Caucasians. They pride on themselves being very 'garang', loud and 'laser-mouthed'. However they are just the secretaries. For their own respective department under department managers yet they behave like as if they are the secretaries of the VP who actually is quite nice when she's not PMS-ing.

1 of them who's a divorcee acts and dresses like as if she's Beyonce, yeah.. Beyonce punya pantat ada la, and being a woman in her 40s, it's not exactly nice to look at. She's not so big and fat. Just seriously flabby and I mean FLABBY. She wears those tight clothes with obvious spare tyres and enjoys going around pointing out people's faults. E.g. 'You know.. you should go for a face lift or something cause your face looks like it's starting to sag'

This being said to a very nice lady who is in her 30s. Sweet isn't she. The other lady who I think is in the same age range must walk around talking in an American accent. Fake. Laugh a loud boisterous laugh when anyone of the expat bosses says something which sometimes is not meant to be a joke. Seriously. Who the fuck is she kidding. I speak English too. Very well in fact. *Cheh. I got an A* in school you know. BUT! I don't even speak in an accent. Not American, Australian nor British of any other nationalities that speaks English with an accent. And I totally don't see the need to speak it in an accent.

Amazingly she can speak it in all kinds of accents. Be it American, Australian, British... you name it. Oh god. WHAT- EVER! And since there's more Chinese in the company. I'll have to say that at least 1/3 of them are like that. I don't mind either way cause I have always been proud my ability to ignore these kind of fuckers. However it really gets my goose up in a gander when they try to stick their BIG LONG KAYPOH noses in my business. OF all the motherfucking things. These bloody fuckers are not even in my department and they are pushing their bloody views on me.

MY boss. THE on I'm UNDER. doesn't even bloody breathe down my bloody neck! After nearly 2 weeks of being here, I have actually done my job well and that it why MY boss has trusted me enough to know from A to B. There are some cock ups. Minor. ALL THANKS TO ALL THESE NOSEY PARKERS! Things like 'girl, you can't do this. It's wrong, you should go to blah blah blah and take it from blah blah blah then send to blah blah blah' and it turned out to be wrong of course. I had very nearly got in a very major fuck up trouble. It is with luck that a very great lady took me under her wing. She being my aunt's ex colleague when they were flying for SIA was not the cause of her being nice. I just got to know it today when we were talking about her flying career.

UGH!!!! SOOOO IRRITATING!

Thank god it's 5 more minutes to 5.30... I can't wait to go home.

Till then....

[40] different shitz different day

2008-07-28T17:05:00.002+08:00

Dear You

Was talking to the BF earlier cause I was so damn bored.

Whining about the weather and I realised that all we humans do is complain, complain and complain.

When it's raining, we complain.

When it's hot, we complain.

Can nothing ever satisfy us?

Oh wait..

Maybe it's just me that's doing the complaining....

Nah..

We're mostly very spoilt and pampered.

So... I'm sure I'm not the only one.

This is a totally random entry.

And a boring one too.

Counting the minutes before I end work.

Oh my goodness...

It's starting to turn cloudy here in the west side. It was bright and sunny earlier.

Damn this unpredictable weather.

Damn this global warming.

Till then....

[39] different shitz different day

2008-07-25T19:43:00.003+08:00

Dear You

Thank god it's FRIDAY!!!!

The week is over... Finally..

Looking forward to the weekend.

Haven't seen BF the whole week. I miss him so much.

The pain is starting to ease up but once in awhile, I'll be getting flashbacks.

It really isn't that easy to forget.

However it's just another experience that I have to go through in my life.

Hmm.. Maybe I should write a book about me.

Haha.. Yeah right. Like as if anyone would be interested.

My life's quite an eye opener though.

So for those who think they have it bad, maybe you should read my book cause I can say with all honesty that whatever problems you may be facing.

It really isn't as bad as what I had to go through.

Not exactly proud of it.

Al'hamdulillah, I'm just thankful I emerged through it all alive and well.

More concentration on the word ALIVE.

The WELL is of course being a relative term as well and healthy does not exactly describe me nowadays.

Hmm.. been thinking loads about my past now. Wonder why...

Hoping for the best to the future..

Cause I really don't think that I have the strength that I had before to go through anymore unnecessary nonsense.

Till then....

[38] different shitz different day

2008-07-21T20:40:00.004+08:00

Dear You

Taking one day at a time.

The weather is in exact coordination with my mood which has been up and down lately.

However.. it really gives me a good feeling when clients of mine like the way I work and trying their best to poach me over to their own company.

1 of them sounds tempting. Good pay with a very relaxed position.

Maybe.. Maybe...

We passed the 11th month mark. Next year's our 1 year together.

So fast..

I still wish I didn't lose it though.. It would have made it even better.

Till then....

[37] different shitz different day

2008-07-18T22:39:00.002+08:00

Dear You

I'm upset.

The worst possible thing that could happen, happened.

I lost it...

Something that I really wanted is lost to me now.

It's haunting me..

Till then....

[36] different shitz different day

2008-06-19T14:11:00.003+08:00

Dear You

Loads of stuff weighing on my mind. My migraine is back in full force.

Love my work... hate my 2nd boss.

A secret that I'm keeping is about to make itself show.

Feeling nauseous and sick all the time.

Bf is going through reservist and I miss him.

Torn apart by the decisions that I should take.

Can't sleep well when I'm sick with worry.

2nd boss is not helping me feel better.

2 weeks to make a decision. Don't think I'm able to decide by then.

If I take the 1st option, I'll be happy though struggling a bit.

If I take the 2nd option, I'm sorry... So so sorry... Swore to myself it won't happen again but it did.

This is really hard.

Till then...

[35] different shitz different day

2008-06-07T14:01:00.007+08:00

Dear You

I'm honestly pissed with the BF..

Doesn't mean that just because he's the love of my life , I don't get pissed with him.

Was really looking forward to meeting him today.

He's been busy with work lately. Project has started and he won't have any off days till Sept.

Mon - Fri he's working the afternon shift from 1pm-9pm and on weekends he works the morning shift from 8am-5pm. However if he's lucky he may finish by midday on weekends.

Haven't actually spent any time with him this whole week cause he took some overtime on weekday mornings to cover a week of which he will be going to reservist. So it's just been a couple of hours where we met for lunch and basically that's it.

So I was really looking forward to spending time with him since he finishes work around 12.30 today. Already planned to meet him at his place before planning to go elsewhere.

However he called at 1.30 with the news that he's going out for awhile. When asked how long awhile is. He answered till early evening.

That made my blood boil I tell you. Cause his mom asked him to send her to a relative's place tonight around 8 so we actually planned to spend the afternoon together before he sends me home and meet his mom.

So I curtly asked him whether we were meeting and after sensing the change in my tone he backtracked that his statement and said yeah.

By this time I asked him sarcastically asked him at what time he was meeting me nd he can actually answer in an oblivious tone that he will meet me in the evening at my void deck and we can sit around.

That did it.

I blew my top!!!

And the best part was that he can say ' Where to go? Just sit around la cause after that I'm meeting my mom'

KANINA!!

If he was in front of me I would have smacked his forehead or... kicked his shins... or... or.. done anything to give him all kinds of bodily harm!!

FUCKING IDIOT!

Don't get me wrong. I love him.

BUT!

I hate the way he plans stuff. He is possibly the WORST FUCKING PLANNER IN THE FUCKING WHOLE WORLD!!

His bad memory will cause him to plan and replan over and over again. Cause he will forget the original plan than make new plans then when told of the original plan, he will replan the whole thing then will decide that some things will be dropped.

ASSHOLE!!

He knows I'm in a temper so he's lying low. He doesn't know that I know his tactic. Whenever I tell him that I will just go out with a friend. He will say ok but then he will call me soon and say that his plans are cancelled and tell me that he will meet me.

KANINA!

Ok.. I'm too angry now.

Till then.....

[34] different shitz different day

2008-05-19T22:30:00.004+08:00

Dear You

The heat is getting to me...

Yet again...

I really can't stand oppressing heat!

It makes me grumpy

which makes BF ignores me

with good reason he says...

Cause when I'm grumpy, he complains it like he has an obvious target mark

on his forehead

I blame him for everything

I get whiny...

On Sat morning I started my grumbling in the early morning

he was hugging me so hard while sleeping

till I awoke feeling sweaty

his solution...

he hugged me tightly while rolling me on his other side so that I was facing the fan..

Last night we decided to sleep in the living room and switch on the air-con..

It was too cold for me and I kept tugging on the blanket and grumbling about it..

In the morning his mom mentioned seeing our tug-of-war and nagged at BF

what can I say... His mom is on my side.. *snigger*

Don't mind me...

I'm purposely typing all this out cause BF pissed me off earlier..

He kept on pinching and kneading my fats..

VERY BLOODY IRRITATING!!!!!

So now I'm typing this while he's glowering over my shoulder...

Oh...

And now he's threathening that if I'm gonna complain or whine

he will stand by some duct tape..

Ooooooo...

Scared...

Ok.. Ignore this entry after you read it...

It's just totally nonsense..

Watched Qabil Kushry Qabil Iqam...

Very gut-wrenching I tell you...

Can cry buckets

Anyhoos...

Long weekend over...

Work tomorrow..

Sigh...

I still love you sayang...

Yes.. even your masam smelling bantal busuk

Till then...

[33] different shitz different day

2008-05-14T16:03:00.003+08:00

Dear You

Work is keeping my mind sharp and on my toes

I've been so busy

till I don't even remember whether I'm coming or going

I'm at home now after earning

the chance to meet up with a client regarding a case

This is the 1st time in weeks that I managed

to sit in front of my lappie

and surf the net at my own leisure

I don't even have the time

for MSN when there's cases to be updated

court cases to attend and so on

I'm about to go nuts I tell you

I've also been staying at BF's place since he send me to work

every morning. Thank god for that.

Now I don't have to wake up extra early

Despite the tight schedule

We managed to squeeze a little time

to watch Ironman

and I so have to say that

Robert Downey Jr.

is looking so damn fine in that movie

Surprising actually cause

to me he didn't seem to be the perfect choice

at first.

The show's great!

Fucking awesome!!! Bf and me left the cinema

and went home to his place still talking

about it.

Next I'm gonna watch Harold and Kumar

Heard great reviews mostly

from my colleagues and a few friends.

Recently I was a bit

pissed

Found out that a supposed bestie of mine

put me down

to an acquintance of ours

it makes me sore

especially since all this while said 'bestie'

asked for help from me

and another one of our bestie

yet puts us down

yup

the other bestie got put down

before

so I guess supposed 'bestie' thought

it was my turn

it is however.. amazing how fast gossips and

mean words spread..how each human thrives on that..

its even more amazing that people usually believe each and every word of it

and somehow mould it into a deeper untrue meaning

before spreading it themselves..

people love making assumptions and crude remarks but they

are the ones at the losing end as they ponder about

their sad, meaningless life before bedtime each night..

I know they're jealous

as they will NEVER get what they want cause they're

unwanted and unloved

but at least try to have a good heart rite?

All those shallow aimless souls out there should slowly work

towards being accepted in the world again..

what sad, sad life they lead..

unloved, unwanted and not being validated..

not forgetting never been appreciated..

plus an attitude of the lowest human form and the list goes on

to describe them..

such a sorry state they are in..

I feel sorry for them..fortunately for me,

Im out of that yard..

as words get around fast or slow, there's no secret left untold..

so grow up, if not in this world

at least try in your own little nut world of yours..

Ho wells..

these people do make life interesting for you...

Till then....

[32] different shitz different day

2008-04-18T02:53:00.005+08:00

Dear You
I'm gonna tell you guys something that does happen in real life
and at the end of it, I would appreciate if you could enlighten me
and I hope that whoever is reading this will put in their two cents worth
seriously.. an answer would be much appreciated.
Ok then.. Here goes..
Before I start let me just give a heads up
Couple of weeks ago, BF told me that he was at my previous working place
*(BF works as a meter-reader)
not exactly at my working place per se
but at the Technopark in Chai Chee
He was reading the meter at one of the companies in the
opposite block from where my previous
company was located
While there, these office girls zeroed in on him like piranhas
BF got nervous and called me
saying that he wants me to talk to him while he does
his work so that he will not be obligated to speak to them
so yeah.. I heard their voices in the background
and it was obvious that they were following his every moves
I heard them talking to each other loudly mind you
so that BF would hear
it went like this
'ey.. cute sei abang nie.. sape eh name dia?'
Translation: 'ey.. this guy is cute.. wonder what his name is?'
'agak2 dh attached tk? ade cincin pt jari dia'
Translation: 'wonder whether he's attached. there's a ring on his finger'
'alah. dh attached pn so wat? mungkin dia pakai cincin je suke2.'
Translation: so what if he's attached. maybe he's just wearing the ring for fun'
'yah. nk tau jugak ape rasenye main abg2 **. dh jelak uh main abg2 P****S'
Translation: 'yah. I wonder hw it feels like to fuck with guys from **. I'm getting
bored fucking P****S guys.
Note: - This is so not a lie. Can you imagine that?
I heard everything and I was like WHAT THE FUCK?!!
BF couldn't wait to leave. All this time he was talking to me mind you
their parting shot before he left was
'jgn step tk dgr. bebual ngan gf ke? I bole kasi u lagi bagus. pantat pn bole uh'
Translation: 'don't pretend that you can't hear. talking to your gf?
I can give you better. Even my ass'
Ok.. is it me.. or does that sound so wrong?
it's sounds to me that these office girls are cheap, shallow
and fucking desperate.!
Truth be told.. I was enraged. Not at BF
but at these girls.. Like FUCK I wanted to say
what the FUCK is wrong with you!
do they honestly think that they can get a guy interested in that
way?
so u just wanna fuck but to be so cheap?
is there no other subtle way?
So earlier today I met with the BF and as usual
he told me how his day went
apparently he and a few of his colleagues were there
to read meters in the blocks there
BF called me as usual and we chatted a bit
he told me that after he hung up
some office girls went past and one of his colleague S wanted
to get to know one of them
so his other colleague F went up to them
and told the girl that one of them wanted to get to know her
she asked which one and F said S
however she had different ideas
she told F that she wanted BF's number
F told her that BF was taken and going to be married
so she said ok, she will take S's number
F went back to them and told them the whole thing
not even 10 mins later she called S and said
'betol ke yg laki tadi dh nk kahwin?'
Translation: 'Are you sure that that guy is going to be married?'
S said ' yah. kenape u tanye eh?'
Translation: ' yes. why do you ask?'
Her 'wasted sei. my kwn nk kenal2 ngan dia. bole la. kwn je'
Translation: 'what a waste. my friend wants to get to know him. can?
as friends only'
S ' tk bole. dia tk interested'
Translation: 'Can't. He's not interested'
Her ' bole la. ckp ngan dia kwn je'
Translation: 'can la. tell him that it's just friends only'
S 'dia tk minat pompan mcm korang'
Translation: 'he doesn't like your type of girl'
Her angry ' HEY. CKP NGAN DIA KLAU HANDSOME TKPE!'
Translation: 'HEY. TELL HIM THAT IF HE'S HANDSOME NEVER MIND!'
ok.. what exactly happened here?
do you people notice that this is a typical response?
1st off.. she wanted to get to know MY BF..
then she called MY BF's friend and asked him to convince
MY BF to get to know her friend even though
she was told that MY BF was getting married
asked him to convince MY BF that it would be as friends only.
WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
then when S said that MY BF doesn't go for her or her friend's type
she puts down MY BF looks
few seconds ago.. she die-die wanted MY BF's number
then when she didn't get it
she acts like it's MY BF's fault?
I was laughing when BF told me this. No worries I'm the cool type
that's why BF don't mind telling this to me
he knows I will laugh it off.
I totally appreciate it. Other guys would just keep it to themselves
Happened to me a few times too thoughOne time while I was working at Insomnia
there was this electrician
everytime I walk by him and I really had to cause
he was doing some wiring at the bar and I had to bartend
so anyways everytime I walk by him
he would say in a low voice
'lawa uh dia. badan baik'
Translation: 'so pretty. hot body'
I just ignored him
Then he would break out into a few bars of this song
'Gadis Idaman'
Translation: 'Dream Girl'
so technically he's saying I'm pretty with a hot body AND
implying that I'm his Dreamgirl
I got fucking irritated I tell you
So while I was talking to my manager Cat who was smirking cause
she knew what was going on
And he broke out into that song
I immediately said loudly
'OH MY GOD. SUARA KLAU SEDAP TKPE!'
Translation: 'OH MY GOD. IF THE VOICE IS NICE I DON'T MIND'
Right then and there he went into defensive mode
and complained loudly to his colleague
who was a man in his 40s or so
* the guy was around my age or so
'PLS LA. KLAU LAWA TKPE'
Translation: 'OH PLEASE. IF PRETTY NEVER MIND'
honest to GOD
I burst out laughing
Even Cat was giving him a look
and she said 'hey. tadi ckp ngan aku kau nk kenal2 ngan dia. ckp dia lawa la.
ape la
beh skg tau tk dpt terus tarik balik kate2 kau. kental la
nampak sgt hypocrite'
Translation: 'hey. earlier u told me u wanted to get to know her. said she pretty
and all that
then when you realised that you won't be able to get to know her
you pull back your words. what a loser.
you're so obviously a hypocrite'
his colleague couldn't take it anymore and laughed
while he said to that guy
'next time don't anyhow'
now you see what I mean by typical?
honestly I have had my fair share of rejections
but even I don't said those kind of things
I will mostly just say ok and move on
I totally don't see any need to retract back my compliments
just because I was rejected.
I am very much ashamed with how these office girls
acted. I myself work in an office but I don't act that way
my colleagues don't act that way
my friends who works in offices don't act that way
What is the world coming to when as a woman
you totally have no shame in implying that you're easy
The ironic part is that sometimes these girls
are attached, engaged and/or married
yet if their other half were to do
these kind of things
they would blow their top
I believe in the saying which is the ultimate favourite
'what goes around comes around'
luckily BF and I are a very open couple
TRUST is not a problem to us
and both of us mutually agree that we wouldn't
want to get to know anyone unnecessarily
who in all probability could jeopardise our relationship.
So ladies and gentlemen
please enlighten on the behaviours of these people
cause I'm am honestly lost about their attitudes

Till then....

[31] different shitz different day

2008-04-14T13:06:00.007+08:00

Dear You

An entry for this month.. Sheesh.. I can only manage 1 entry per month.

What can I do.. Been busy with the boyfriend and stuff.

This Wednesday will be the coming of our 8 months together. Time flies huh?

I still remember the time when I got my heart broken by Rudy. The ex..

At that point of time

I hated guys with a vengence

I was wondering where all the good guys had gone

And why I seem to end up with fuckers

I'm singing a different tune now

What a change

Just when I had thought that I might as well give up

He appeared just at the right time

Thanks to Wak who convinced me to go to Ain's wedding

and scolded me when I said I didn't want to be around Rudy's friends

and saying I might meet someone there

Thanks again to Dea for pointing him out to me

She was the one who was consoling me and saying that there were guys

at the wedding that may have potential

giving me my confidence back by saying that I was hot and that

lots of guys there were looking at me

right before she asked

me to turn around and look at a potential candidate for a boyfriend

HIM

Thanks again to Mas and Kayom for being my go between

and asked him whether he would like my number

Thanks to Cheryl who was with me

the 2nd time I saw him at Orchard and keeping her mouth

shut when I was being a bimbo around him because I was nervous

Thanks to Bat for initiating our 1st outing in a

group so that we would be more comfortable with each other

Thanks to Aisha and Frankie

who were with us at Velvet Dragon

when we split up from Bat and the rest

Thanks to you lot

We're still going stong

Engagement will be sometime near the end of the year

Of course all of you must attend

I insist

Anyhoos...

last 2 weeks ago on 5th of April

a Saturday

I learned something that none of my exes has ever managed to make me learn

Something I thought that I would never ever enjoy

Boyfriend succeeded in teaching me

FISHING!!!!

Yeah..

And I caught my 1st fish

It may be small mind you

But I caught it

We and some of the Yishun peeps were having an

overnight barbeque over at East Coast

when Oli brought up the idea of fishing with the boyfriend

Needless to say

the boyfriend got very gung-ho about the idea

and 'bullied' me into liking the idea

Even though I was groaning and grumbling

and whining

he just ignored me and bought me my 1st fishing rod

I was resigned to my fate

BUT

I took a stand when he said that I have to

hook on the bait myself

EEEUUUWWW!!!

bait being live squirming worms

so we made a compromise

he prepared the bait for me and I said I would only touch the worms

when it was dead

better than nothing you know

the worms they got were fat and juicy

and oozing out blood

Yuck!

Got a few pics

However boyfriend was nagging at me to stop

taking photos and concentrate on looking after my rod

hehe...

when I was taking photos my rod actually jerked off twice

*hmmm... something wrong with that sentence hehe

anyways boyfriend says he not going to look after 2 rods

so I had better look after mine

after trying to be a brat and stamped my feet

I sat down and concentrated

he's like me

nothing can sway him when he's in a mulish attitude

anyway

I was glad when Mas arrived later in the evening

convinced boyfriend to let me have my girly gossip session

later in the night I went over to their

spot to convince them to have a bite to eat

as they were packing up their things

I was holding on to boyfriend's rod

truth to tell I was daydreaming

listening to their conversation while

grumbling to myself cause my hands were turning

red, itchy and swollen

some kind of allergic reaction

when the rod jerked

hoo hoo...

boyfriend helped me reel it in

and I was whooping and bragging that I caught the 1st fish

hehe..

so now I'm officially hooked

On another note

I quit my current job

got a very lucrative offer as a legal secretary

in a law firm

starting sometime in next week

or 1st week of May

looks like I'll be even more busier

ok ok

Can't spend to long blogging

gotta get ready

boyfriend is finishing work early and he's always grumbling

about the time I take to get ready

Till then....

[30] Loving You

2008-03-05T11:13:00.005+08:00

[30] Loving You

Dear You

The Best Love Never Has A Reason. I Just Have To Look At Him And There Is No Reason To Look Anywhere Else

Nor Natasha & Saiful Fadli

16th August 2007

I love you and you love me. That's all we'll ever need

Till Then....

[29] It's Already March..

2008-03-05T10:00:00.003+08:00

[29] It's Already March..
Dear You

As the title goes.. it's already March. The 3rd month of the year.

I am honest to God really freaking bored at home. To update.. I haven't been working since January.

It's not that I'm lazy or anything. I'm being considered as convalescing till my appointment with the neurology clinic on the 31st of this month.

I don't think it's anything serious however the doctor believe that it would be better for me to rest at least 2 months before I can continue working.

These headaches are a killer at times.

Needless to say the boyfie pounced on that idea giving the reason that he is worried that I would faint again in the train or at work.

Before that he's been sweet-talking me to stop working and concentrate on other things like continuing my studies or taking my driving license.

Now before you shriek "CHAUVINISTIC"

He's not like that. After his parents seperated and finally divorced when he was still serving NS, the job of taking care of his mom and siblings fell to him.

Him being the eldest son, he took on the role seriously. Far too seriously in fact. And let me tell you that it sure ain't easy.

Helping his mom to make his brother a more responsible person, having a sister who is going through a rebellious phase (i see myself in her) and also a sister who is going to start studying in poly.

He worries about them constantly but it can be seen that the family are very close if you look beneath the surface.

They talk to their mom about everything that happens in their lives with a few sensitive issues covered up of course and they go out as a family when time permits.

So being the so-called 'guardian' he tends to try to ease the burden.

Easing the burden in his language is as in wanting his mom and I to stop working.

Since his company is doing well and plans for opening another 2 more businesses later this year beginning to take shape. He just wants us to sit back and relax.

True... At times I do help out with his company...

But it's so freaking boring to sit home!!

Plus I'm not used to spending other people's money. Luckily I got my own savings to fall back on and I saved some of the cash he gave me to buy him an iPhone.

That phone is fucking cool la!

The rest is being saved for a surprise birthday party for. Still a long way to go since it falls in the month of September.

But I'm planning maybe something nice and romantic for the 2 of us and something to be shared with friends.

For the friends part I'm planning to do a chalet and bbq event at Aloha Loyang to be shared with his brother since his bro's gf bdae falls on the same date as the boyfie.

But the something for the 2 of us is still undecided. I have a few ideas but I'm so fickle minded I can't choose.

Any suggestions people?

Oh God...

I'm feeling sick again..

My immune system is getting really fucked up. I've been getting fever on and off.

A few friends of mine have actually said incredulously 'your still sick?!'

It's gotten to a point where I just say 'don't you know? i'm lovesick'

Haha...

Fucking Lame!

Seriously. I've been growing chubby and altogether robust with a healthy appetite but then I'll fall sick again and be thin again.

Maybe I'm allergic to chubbiness.

A few people/friends have been busy getting engaged or married for the past few months and I have another wedding to go to this Sunday.

This must really be a lucky year for commitment. My organiser is booked all the way to December with engagements and weddings to go to with at least 2 every month.

I feel love in the air...

And to update you faithful readers...

I'm getting engaged sometime this year too..

Can't tell you when cause I don't know myself. The boyfie is intending to keep it as a surprise.

He won't tell me when his family will come over to ask my parents for my hand in marriage.

So I'm biting my nails. I don't like to be unprepared for something as important as this.

Heesh... I'm getting goosebumps already.

Just received a text from his mom asking whether I really am going to bring her to watch a live band for her advanced bdae treat.

His mom is adorable. She's the funky, loud type. She wants to go out to experience the modern life however she's afraid to venture to far from home without her kids or her own siblings.

She won't even go with her friends. And if she does, all she thinks about is home.

Even though she uses the kids as an excuse, her own kids have been encouraging her to go out more.

She's been pestering to watch a live band performance since she loves music so me being the way I am..

I offered to bring her out.

It was a good thing I bumped into an old buddy of mine. Man Toyak from Tribe and Enigma who plays at Brix for Happy Hour on Thurs and Hard Rock on Fri and Sat.

Or if there's a timing clash since his mom will be finishing work at 9pm maybe I'll bring her to Insomnia (my old working place) or watch another old buddy of mine Jeff from Cats In The Cradle. Or maybe even my favourite girl Nana a Singapore Idol finalist in season 1 at Muddy Murphy if she's still there.

Whatever it is..

Am I not a good future daughter-in-law?

I dare you to say no..

Ok..

I seriously am bored!!

I'm starting to ramble.

Not sorry that I bored you..

Till then....

[28] Idiotic Taxi Drivers!

2008-02-04T23:40:00.000+08:00

[28] Idiotic Taxi Drivers!

Dear You

As what my title implies...

Tonight I am going to complain about all this idiotic taxi drivers in Singapore!

Before I go on.. I know I can't accuse all taxi drivers to be idiotic as some of us including me have relatives that are driving taxis.

HOWEVER!!!!

Majority of these drivers are downright idiotic, selfish and basically CHAO CHEE BYE!!

Last night I was out with the boyfie. We had our Ayam Penyet dinner at Lucky Plaza then
bought tickets for the 12am Rambo 4 show at Cineleisure.

Since it was only 9.30pm and we still had hours to go, we decided to walk around the whole of Orchard starting from Cine and ending at Al-Falah Mosque where he parked his bike.

After doing that we realised that we still had an hour to go so we decided to top up on petrol at the SPC on Killiney Road.

As you can see from the image below, from the SPC, boyfie have to travel towards Penang/Somerset Road before turning right to get to the carpark opposite Cineleisure

But boyfie forgot and turned left toward Exeter/Devonshire Road but we didn't think it would matter as we would just have to turn right to Orchard Link Road before going through the alley of the Mandarin Gallery

As you can see there is an ERP gantry there. While it was a red light, we just basically joked and poked fun at each other. There was a dark blue hyundai taxi in front of us so when the lights turned to green and just as I was about to open my big mouth to sing, the next thing I know I was lying on the road and my 1st thought was to tell boyfie that he's lying on my fingers.

Apparently!

THE BLOODY CHEEBYE OF A TAXI DRIVER JAMMED HIS BRAKE NOT 50M AFTER HE TURNED!!

AND IF YOU WERE TO BE AT THE ERP GANTRY ON ORCHARD LINK!

YOU WILL KNOW THAT THERE ISN'T EVEN ANY BLOODY TRAFFIC LIGHT!

DON'T KNOW WHY THE FUCK THAT IDIOTIC FUCKER JAMMED HIS BRAKE!

THE BEST PART WAS THAT AFTER WE FELL, HE QUICKLY DROVE OFF!!

I AM CURSING HIM WITH ALL THE SWEAR WORDS I KNOW IN ALL THE BLOODY LANGUAGES I KNOW!

YES! EVEN IN SPANISH AND JAPANESE!

Fortunately for us there were 5 people who saw the whole thing. Good Samaritans all of them and for that I am truly grateful. These people were at the traffic light minding their own business when they saw all that had happened.

When the taxi driver jammed his brake, boyfie swerved and jammed his brakes too before throwing the bike.

Which was a lucky thing for me especially. If he didn't do that, he would have hit the taxi from behind and I would have flew and landed on the taxi.

So in the end both of us were lying on the ground on our sides with the bike on top of his ankle. After checking that I was ok. He quickly got up to move the bike before more cars came.

Even more fortunate was that we were the only two vehicles on the road when it happened. I shudder to think what would have happened if there was another car behind us..

We would have been run down. GOSH!

I crawled to the side before trusting my legs not to buckle when I stood up. 4 ladies were helping to pick up our stuffs and a man was helping boyfie bring the bike to the side of the road.

Before they could call the ambulance, a patrol car went by and assisted us.

Boyfie scraped his right palm cause he landed on it 1st. His ankle, knee, elbow and lower back were also scraped.

I landed on my shoulder 1st so it's now scraped and starting to bruise, luckily for me I decided to wear contacts that day so I had my visor closed from the dirt and wind or my face would have been scraped as well as it was what hit the road next *shudder*

So I ended up getting my brow bone bruised, I don't know how, but it doesn't look so bad.

Other then that, I had 2 scrapes on my knee, a small scrape above my elbow and my index and middle finger which somewhat cushioned boyfie when he landed on them were scraped too.

Out of all, those were the ones which fascinated me the most cause it was bleeding real bad and it looked dark and dirty from the dirt on the road. My mind was computing the kinds of infections I would be getting.

Honestly I was about to cry cause 10 minutes after the shock wore off, all the aches and pains especially the stinging of the scrapes are making themselves known at full force. Someone gave me 2 panadols which she convieniently had with her and her green tea.

Just when I was about to tear, My evil bitch persona sneered in my mind.

'OH COME ON, IT'S JUST A SCRATCH AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE A BABY AND CRY ABOUT IT? WHAT THE FUCK?! REMEMBER IF FALL LAUGH, IF SOMETHING'S BROKEN THEN YOU CAN CRY! SILLY BITCH! DON'T MAKE HIM EVEN MORE WORRIED ABOUT YOU!'

And just like that, I pushed the pain to the back of my mind and assured boyfie that I was ok.

He looked so pale since this is my 1st accident and kept checking me for broken bones.

To lighten up the tension, I reminded him that that I have a high tolerance level to pain, reminding him also of the times that I was beaten up, the laser treatment for my tattoo, my piercings and also the bikini waxing.

Hmmm...

I think I can be like Ali Larter's character in Heroes. Nice, soft hearted Niki and tough bitch Jessica.

haha...

I'm disgressing...

Anyhoos.... We convinced the officers that we didn't need to go to the A&E. Assured them that we will call up LTA and check with them whether their cameras managed to get the licence plate of the taxi.

We will ask for compensation. Boyfie's bike is damaged and he needs to use it for work.

But I tell you after we left for Cineleisure, we bought plasters at Cheers and cleaned our wounds as best as we could at the toilet, I nearly fainted cause I had to extract a piece of gravel from my index finger and the water running from the tap washed off the dirt and grime.

EEUUWwwww.....

Now I'm having trouble sleeping and moving. My whole right side is aching from the injuries and it really sucks because I always sleep on my right side and I am highly dependent on it. Even now, I'm using my left fingers and right thumb and right fourth finger to type.

THIS TOTALLY SUCKS!!!

I am still thanking GOD that I decided to wear my long sleeved sweatshirt and leggings and shoes that night instead of my initial plan to wear my mini denim skirt and slippers and tank top.

If I had gone ahead with it, my whole arm and leg and not to mention foot would have been scraped and bruised.

*shudder*

For those who are riding... do not go anywhere near taxis especially or people who drive like maniacs.

For those who are driving... please bear in mind that the road is not yours to do as you please. Have abit of courtesy to the riders.

THEY ARE MORE VULNERABLE THEN YOU!

AT LEAST YOU GOT AIRBAGS. THE RIDERS WILL STILL HAVE TO KISS THE ROAD IF ANYTHING HAPPENES TO THEM!

AND PLEASE MAKE USE OF YOUR REAR VIEW AD SIDE MIRRORS. THEY ARE THERE FOR A REASON YOU FUCKING MORONS!

THEY'RE NOT FOR SHOW!

AND BE A HUMAN AND HEP SOMEONE INSTEAD OF JUST DRIVING AWAY!

TAXI UNCLE!

I'M GOING TO HUNT YOU DOWN!

p.s. Rambo 4 was awesome if you like action and blood.

Till then....

[27] It's Friday Night And I'm At Home...

2008-01-18T22:36:00.000+08:00

[27] It's Friday Night And I'm At Home...

Dear You

At home tonight and feeling weird since I'm like out every night especially Fridays and Saturdays..

Love is very sick.. He's been feeling feverish since Wednesday and I finally manage to convince him this morning to rest.

Missing him very much though.. Would have gone to his place but changed my mind. If I'm around he will not think about sleeping and getting a proper rest.

I wouldn't elaborate more so as not too disgust you people too much.

Anyway it's a good thing that I'm not at his place. He slept the whole day and just woke up 2 hrs ago.

Already he's grumbling and trying to sweet talk me into sleeping over at his place so that he can sleep properly.

Yeah right darling..

When I'm with you sleep is the last thing on your mind.

Nevertheless.. Maybe I go there later.

The parental units and 2 younger siblings left this morning for their Bintan holidays.

Apparently 1 of my mom's clients offered her some kind of holiday package for free.

Lucky for the younger ones, they skipped school for the trip..

Whoppee for them.

Last night while they were packing, my dad had one of hi dumb moments. While watching American Idol, my mom brought out a zipped up pack which stores those canned drinks and stuff.

She had put in some ice-creams and was telling us something which we didn't even pay attention to as after all we were too engrossed in watching the antics of those wannabe idols.

After a while, my dad had to pay the price of not listening. He saw the ice-creams and instantly grabbed 1 and unwrapped it.

Not a minute later, he started yelping loudly. And it was bloody loud I tell you.

When we turned to look at him, we instantly burst out laughing..

You see.. We didn't hear my mom warn us of the crucial part.

She warned us not to eat the ice-creams because she had packed it in with dry ice and that it had to be thawed out 1st.

Too late, my dad had taken a lick and it got stuck to his tongue.

Needless to say we were practically rolling around the floor, we were laughing so hard.

He kept on yelping his face was turning bright red

Haha..

Finally he gave up and just gave it a yank which just made him yelped even more.

In the end he sprinkled it with water before enjoying it.

Oh my god.. I had a good laugh I tell you.

Love just called and it really breaks my heart to hear him sound so sick.

Convinced his mom that I'll come over the next day and take care of him.

For now, I'll just wait for Lobe and Fitri to reach home.

It's been a while since we had a lepak session.

Maybe we'll be able to do it tonight...

Till then...

[26] At Peace..

2008-01-17T16:34:00.000+08:00

[26] At Peace..
Dear You

Feeling oh so bored so I decided to update. Would you believe that I fainted at work again yesterday and had to go to the hospital yet again.

Was sent to SGH this time round. This time they didn't go poking needles in me.

Was just kept for observation and the doctor just fixed me an appointment to the Neurology Clinic.

They wanted to check whether my migraine could be something more serious cause my hand-eye coordination on the right seems to be fucked up.

But it's just probabaly nothing much.

Feeling at peace though...

Called up C last week and told her everything.

Wanted to start the new year fresh without all this icky problems bugging me.

For this year, my resolution is to be blissfully ignorant and only think about myself, my love, fam and 3 of my very best buddies who totally deserve it.

Helps alot that they have been my besties for more than a decade.

Fitri will be getting engaged this Sun.

Sue is pregnant with her second child.. Oooo... another godchild for me.

Juraida (Lobe)... will always be lobe..

Yupz... I may not be contacting these 3 often.

For us, it may just be a random phone call which is sometimes once a month or so or we will call when we wanna ask something.

Fitri will be the one who I can ask for road or street directions or just something inane and gossip.

Lobe will be the one who I can ask for titles of malay songs or translation from english to malay words and gossip. hehe..

Sue will be the one who I can ask regarding marriage issues and just gossip.

For me.. they just see me as a person who just call for not even 5 mins, bother them and hang up.

But they're used to it..

So yeah... I'm feeling at peace with my life at the moment.

Love is great. He's always there for me. Being all concerned and just basically there. His company has been doing well so far. Which is great.

Still early in the year. Hopefully he will have achieved his goals.

Ok.. my life seems officialy lame at the moment.

Nothing exciting.

I think most people are just taking it easy for now.

But!

I just remembered!

Yesterday on my way to work, I was just about to sit down in the train when this bloody auntie actually pulled my sleeve and used her butt to push me away.

An indian lady who was about to sit down received the same treatment too.

CHAO CHEE BAI!!

She wanted to get seats for herself and two of her friends.

As per usual I was screaming bloody murder in the train and the fucked up bitch of an auntie just ignored me and continued talking to her friends.

In frustration when she gave me a hard shove i just kicked her ankles.

I know that's just a bit too much but I just toatlly don't give a fuck.

I can't stand all these typical singaporeans. Be they the old or younger generations.

They all have 1 thing in common in a way that they are FUCKING KIASU!!

Fucking too much you know sometimes.

They so have the totally wrong person.

Everytime they try to push me around and glare at me when i don't heed their pushes I just bloody scream and curse and swear at them and they''ll just look kanchiong and look away.

KANINA!

You wanna try be fierce then be fierce all the way

Don't just put your tails between your legs when you feel my wrath

If that's the case then don't even try to push people around when you don't have any bloody confidence to stand up to them yourselves.

FUCKED UP PEOPLE ALL AROUND!

ok.... I'm gonna chill..

Till then...

[25] Happy New Year!

2008-01-08T22:27:00.000+08:00

[25] Happy New Year!

Dear You

Happy New Year to all you lovely and ugly (both in looks and attitude) people out there!

May be a little late.

My apologies as I have been really busy. Not much time to update.

However will try to do that soon.

May this year be a good, enlightening year for all of us.

My best wishes to you all my friends and enemies.

See... I'm giving my best wishes to my enemies. Am I not nice?

I have yet to hear them wishing me anything nice other than 'I wish you'd just go and die and get tortured in hell you fucked up bitch!'

OOuuuhhh...

Wait...

I don't look or sound like I care..

Hehe... Wish harder but you don't really have to waste yur wishes on moi cause I'm here to stay till Allah decides so...

(",)

MUACKZZZ!!!!

Loving you...

Till then.....

[24] Wet December

2007-12-12T16:34:00.000+08:00

[24] Wet December

Dear You,

Once again the wet month has arrived.. Finally today I saw grayish white clouds instead of those gloomy gray ones in the sky.

Ooppsss.... Maybe I shouldn't mention it or it will start to pour again.

But will writing about it make a difference?

Heeeshh... I hope it doesn't start raining or I won't be able to go out with the darling boyfie...

To digress...

I am so getting fat!!

Seriously!!

I weighed myself and I gained....

4 BLOODY FREAKING KG!!!!

I soooooo have to restrain myself from eating all the time or I would look like blob in a bikini for the Countdown Beach Party.

Anyone heading there?

But once again...

Seriously...

It's obvious and it's gotten to the point where last Saturday the boyfie and I went to yishun to give Man a birthday surprise,

and Black the annoying pest that he is poked my stomach while saying

' Eee.. Kau dah buncit '

Not once but bloody fucking twice!

TWICE he poked my tummy you know..

It is THAT obvious...

Sad siak...

And when I complained to the boyfie that my tummy was showing, he just said ' ok lah.. can give me 8 kids '

Wah... Nabei CHee Bye

-_-'

I don't care.. I got a few weeks to go...

But I can't resist...

I had.....

laksa...

ayam penyet... (dunno how many bloody times already)

grilled fish sambal at swensens...

barbecue stingray...

gong gong...

a few thousand vanilla Oreo bubble teas with extra pearls...

more than 5 fillets...

8 shaker fries up to date...

lasagna...

linguine...

pizza...

3 long john breakfasts...

5 long john fiery chickens...

and this was all from the beginning of December...

AAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!1

15 more mins before work ends...

I better go touch up my make up...

Will continue my grumblings again.....

Till then.....

[23] OK FINE! I HAVE HAD IT!

2007-11-19T17:08:00.000+08:00

[23] OK FINE! I HAVE HAD IT!

Dear You,

Got another call from an irritated reader who is also pissed off at me...

Really.. Whoever said that there is freedom of speech needs a smack on the forehead from me!

Fuck freedom of speech! Everything that you're going to say will surely offend someone. I deleted my previous post because I stepped on some one's foot with it. ' Figuratively ok..'

Every time I forget about the incident, someone will always bring it up and remind me.

Errmm.. I moved on ok..

But let me just say this.

I'M INNOCENT! INNOCENT I TELL YOU!

Ha ha..

Now can all of us move on?

Pretty please?

Thank You..

Ok done alright?

If anyone brings this up again, seriously you people need a life. Be like me. Instead of being stuck in the rut, go out there find new sorts of problems to bombard me with.

I'm serious!

It certainly makes my life abit more interesting.

However I do not want to be like some bloggers where their blogs can only be read through invites only.

If by chance it does happen and I only invite certain readers. It doesn't mean I'm a coward. Since not many can take criticism. I'll make my blog private and let you guys wonder what else and which people I'm bitching about.

But hey.. Remember I don't actually lie. I'm just stating the facts. Reality sucks. I know but I can't help that.

I mean like come on. When you just tell me off either in my face or online or whatever shit. Do you see me actually look like I care?

On a lighter note. I'm now working in a publishing company. Finally... Can you believe that I sent my resume after I graduated last year and they recently contacted me and offered me a job.

I am finally making use of my dip in Mass Comm.

Yes! This loud and at times dumb minarep actually has a DIPLOMA people.

For those who actually looked at me in disbelief when I told them...

You guys gave me great satisfaction when I proved to you guys that it was true.

The looks on your faces were priceless....

Anyway. My office is great. The people are great.

I'll post up pics of the props we have here soon.

Btw..

I'm getting fat.

Really....

He keeps on feeding and feeding me.

I've gained 5kg which I'm trying to lose again by New Year's Eve cause he's bringing me to the beach party and I do not want to look like an elephant wearing a bikini.

If he starts to stuff me again I swear this time I'll strangle him.

Like real only Tasha...

Will update soon..

That will probably be an empty promise.

But ok I will TRY to update soon and as much as I can.

Muackz Darlings!

Till then....

[22] Selamat Hari Raya

2007-10-30T19:28:00.000+08:00

[22] Selamat Hari Raya

Dear You

First of all, a belated Selamat Hari Raya to all you muslims out there. It's nearly the end of October and my 23rd birthday flew by. For those who wished me a happy birthday..

Thanks!!! Now how about my present?

Kheheh.. Kidding but if you really wanna get me a present. Let me know aite?

Ignore my previous entry. I just have to say this. I don't understand people who bitch about others to me then panic when I'm too busy to be in contact with them.

What the fuck?!!

If you think you are going to panic and be paranoid then in the 1st place don't bitch about others can?

Stupid bugger.

Then when I'm too busy to contact you, I'm suddenly the bad guy? PFFFTTTT....

The world is full of idiots.

Anyways..

Can you people believe how fast the days areflying by? 2 more months before the end of 2007 and hellooo.... 2008.

As with each year there's loads of memories to be remembered. Joy and heartbreak. Hurt and betrayal. Another chapter of our life will go by and hopefully we'll all be a better and a wiser person as we grow older.

Sorry for the absence. Been busy with work and spending time with my darling and it really doesn't help when I can't use my lappy.

I can log in into it cause unfortunately the number 0 button is not in contact and my password has the number 0 in it.

Of all the fucking numbers and letters. It has to be something from my password.

Sheesh..

NABEI CHEE BYE

So currently I'm using my mom's lappy and it truly sucks cause I will have to check of anything incriminating and delete it so that it will not be seen by those who aren't allowed to see it.

Haven't been able to take that much pics lately but I will try to get it from the peeps who did.

Will update more when I am able to cause I gotta run. Something important just came up.

Till then....

[21] Jumping To Conclusions

2007-09-29T15:11:00.000+08:00

[21] Jumping To Conclusions

Dear You

I know it's been awhile. There were loads happening in my life but unfortunately I may have to tell you guys about it on another day.

I don't have any mood now. I hate people jumping to conclusions.

Apparently someone thinks that I'm making up the cancer thing to avoid her. Now a few people are saying 'she will get retribution from ALLAH' 'she will get what she deserve'

but the best one is..

'let's hope that her wish come true and she does get lung cancer'

what???

my wish come true?

like who would want to wish for themselves to get cancer?

the thing is this particular someone is not even close to me so she doesn't know my story from A-Z

and the comments come from blind followers/fans/friends who has never even bloody met me!

so what the fuck?

oh yah.. like.. I wanna have cancer just so that I can avoid her..

Really... common sense are just not common to some people. No logic at all.

And I thought that you would be wiser as you grow older.

Rather then jumping to conclusions I don't understand why she just ask to see proof of documents like letters from doctors?

My Baby and my friends has been around me all this while and they have seen with their own eyes how weak I sometimes am. I've fainted twice in front of my Baby and some of my friends saw me about to faint.

So I guess the stabbing feeling in my lungs and my at times wheezing breathing is a lie?

What if i really do have cancer? Does it really mean that it is retribution for me?

whatever..

This is Natasha.. If I'm strong enough to survive my past.. this is chicken shit for me. I take everything in my stride.

By the way.. I know it is abit too late. But Selamat BerPuasa everyone.

Till then....

[20] Sunshine After The Rain

2007-08-23T02:48:00.000+08:00

[20] Sunshine After The Rain

Dear You

It's already the weekend and the end of the week will soon be ushered in. It's not that I didn't want to update any entries. As a matter of fact.. My 3 weeks of August has been quite eventful.

There has been a few times when I switched on my laptop with the intention of penning down the happenings but always I will put it off. I just spent my time checking my mails and basically that's about it.

But no worries.. I've been recording my events in my daily planner.

So let's start off.. Unfortunately the 1st week of the month did not bode well for me. After I had gotten my pay. I did my passport and managed to have dinner with Cheryl and Hanif and clubbed with them at O bar before I was admitted to the hospital.

Due to suspected lung cancer. Yeah.. U read right. LUNG CANCER. I had to undergo tests and all that and it was pretty I tell you. My parents didn't know and the only people who did could be counted on one hand.

And because my admittance was instantaneous as I had collapsed right then and there in the A&E, I didn't bring my charger. It was a lonely few days in the ward with only magazines for company.

Weirdly even though I felt lonely. I took the opportunity to cut myself from my social circle and didn't inform anyone of my ward and stuff. It was a good time to do some soul-searching and I took advantage of the time.

I reflected on my past and what I had done. Remembered the mistakes that I made, the times I had fallen and the struggle to pick up the broken pieces. The true friends that I had who had always been there.

A good friend of mine who had passed away 3 years ago once said to me.

"Tasha.. Remember that you shouldn't regret what you went through in the past. Being brought down is part and parcel of life. Not taking risks doesn't stop you from getting hurt. Instead it will make you more matured in thinking and prepare yourself for the next cycle of shits that will continue to happen endlessly. You may think yourself weak for always getting in this kind of situations. But even if you get that punch in your face. Walk strong with your head held high because you should still be proud of your self for surviving the past that you had. You're tougher than you look. Give your past to a weaker person and they would have crumbled. Fuck! Even I will kill myself if I went through what you went through. Karma will come around and if have the strength to pick yourself up and continue on the journey of life, you will come across a diamond that you had been too blind to see"

Now this wasn't said by a person who was eloquent in speech. But her philosophy was simple enough for me to understand. Right after she said this she hugged me and said she will going away and said she will miss me because she's not sure whether she's coming back to Singapore.

Sadly though two days later I received the news, she was found dead because of a drug overdose in her grandma's home in Malaysia.

I did wonder whether she knew that that will be the last time I saw her. Maybe she did. I did think of what she said from time to time and as I lay on my hospital bed. I thought about her words again. It was then that I knew I had to stop wallowing around in pity.

I decided to move on and shove Rudy to the back of my mind. After I was discharged. I was abit pissed. After paying for my air tickets and accommodation for my trip to Bangkok, I only had a few hundred left and those had to go for the tests I went through. And I had to take an additional test on the last week of the month so I am very financially drained.

What's worse. My new workplace called and asked me whether I could start work on the 27th instead of the 20th as they wanted me to start after they had done the payroll for the month. What choice do I have but to agree.

Nabei Chee Bye..

There goes my plans on having abit of cash for my trip.

On a lighter note. I have found somebody new. His name is Saiful Fadli. I actually knew him 2 years ago because we hang around with a mutual group of friends but we have never actually talked. Reason being I had just gotten into a relationship with Rudy and he had a girlfriend.

It was during Ain & Didi's wedding that we bumped into each other again and I asked 1 of our mutual friend to tell him of my intentions of friendship and we exchanged numbers.

Most would have said that ours seem to be a whirlwind romance and that it was probably rebound. But we don't care. The chemistry and attraction we had for each other were too strong for us to ignore.

The amazing thing was that we really clicked. We are very comfortable in each other's company and we shared similar character and views on life. Since both of us were both betrayed by our respective exes badly, we shared a common wariness but we decided to throw caution to the wind and gave it a try.

So far everything is going along well and hopefully it will continue to do so. I'm very grateful to my friends for encouraging me even though I know they had some misgivings. They just want to see me happy and since they saw that Saiful is making me happy and feeding me, they gave me the support that I needed.

I know that I could always count on them.

A friend of mine did ask me why I'm like this. Asked whether am I not afraid to be hurt again if I continue to hope and dream for a happy relationship.

My answer was simple. I respect reality but I have a healthy dose of hope and that when combined with a laugh and a smile on my face is what keeps me going. Rather then hide from it. I prefer to face it head-on. If I don't take the risk, how would I find out if he's The One? and who knows...

He could be The One.

For now.. It's the honeymoon period and I'm enjoying it while I can.

Oh by the way.. Pray that my lung cancer thing is only suspected but not confirmed. But for those who prays that it's confirmed. I'll see you guys in hell.

Till then....

[19] FREE TIME!!!!!

2007-07-31T22:59:00.000+08:00

[19] FREE TIME!!!!!

Dear You

Since I got some free time, I might as well add more entries. I'm not at home but at Cineleisure Level 9. Gonna watch The SImpson's Movie again but this time with Hanif and Cheryl.

Actually both Hanif and I have already watched it but since Cheryl hasn't, we decided to watch it again. I will never get bored with The Simpsons.

Left home in the late afternoon to accompany Dea for her interview at Orchard Park Suites (in case some of you are clueless.. it's the service apartment behind Wisma Atria). Her interview was at 7.30pm.

I waited for her at the lobby and I was totally in awe. The place was DAMN FUCKING CLASSY!!! It has the hush-hush kind of atmosphere which exudes the scent of money.

Being the kaypo person that I am. I asked the front desk officer the rental price of an apartment there.

Rental Price: A FUCKING WHOOPING 40K A MONTH!!

My jaw nearly dropped open. FUCKING INCREDIBLE XIA!

And I noticed that the people coming out of the elevators and going out the door wore simple bermudas or T-shirts flip flops. I overheard this lady ask her husband where he wants dine for dinner and he said let's just go to the cheapest place.

Guess where the cheapest place is........

It's Equinox...

Hmmmmm.......

NABEI!

My ears were turning red and my eyes were gleaming...

IM SO BLOODY ENVIOUS!

Enough of that. After Dea finished up her interview, I headed to my Aunt's place for a while cause apparently my younger cousin is getting married on the 2nd of September.

GRrrrrr......

SHIT!

She's only 21 years old xia for fucks sake!

And she's getting married. Haiyah... I keep feeling that my turn is soooooo far away..

An hour after I reached there my parents wanted to make a move on and since the night was still young, I decided to join Cheryl and Hanif.

Now they're playing PS2 behind me and I'm typing out my entry.

Right... Gotta go..

Movie will be starting soon..

Till then.......

[18] Why Am I Blogging At A Time When I'm Supposed To Be Asleep??

2007-07-31T03:45:00.000+08:00

[18] Why Am I Blogging At A Time When I'm Supposed To Be Asleep??

Dear You

Damn it! It's like going to be 4am and I'm still awake! I feel tired and sleepy but I don't feel like sleeping. How weird is that and the best part is that I will be meeting Cheryl and Hanif at ICA at 1pm to collect his passport after which we will be going travel agency scouting.

Let's see... I actually planned to wake up at 10am then shower and get ready and everyone knows how long I take to get ready. Go out take a passport photo and since I'm heading toward ICA, I might as well make a new passport since mine has expired and GASP! MY BKK TRIP IS JUST NEXT MONTH!

Haiyah.. What's even more frustrating is that my pay is not in yet. NABEI!

By the way I've quit my job and got a better offer working at Chai Chee (so bloody far xia from Jurong to Chai Chee) under SIA.

But alas I will be starting on the 20th of Aug and my bloody ex manager from my previous workplace insist on me coming down to take my paycheck on the 1st at 7pm.

GRRRRR......

The worst part is that it's a crossed check. If I take it on Wed at 7pm then I bank it in, on Thurs the check collection will be at 3 pm (i think) then it will finally be cleared for me to withdraw after 2pm on Fri.

KANINA!

If he can just give me the check before 2pm on that Wed itself then it will be on time for the 3pm collection and I can get my $1500 on Thurs!

FUCK! I NEED CASH AND I NEED IT NOW!

I NEED TO MAKE A NEW PASSPORT! A NEW IDENTITY CARD! AND MOST IMPORTANTLY I NEED TO FINALISE THE BOOKING OF MY TICKETS! I'M HOLDING THE REST UP BY NOT HAVING MY PAY!

(i am like so turning red in the face)

Pffffffffttttttttt............

But anyhoos.. Last Wed I went down to Zouk to watch my friends compete in the finals of World Battle Of The Bands. Band name... NOW OPEN.

Unfortunately they were in 5th place but hey.. 5th out of 50 bands is so not bad at all. The rest of the audience wear pissed cause apparently they were rooting for NOW OPEN to win. The band who won played the song Waterfalls by TLC.

Come on! A band playing Waterfalls xia! What The Fuck!

Not surprising that they won. Eunice Olsen was the judge.

Pffffffttttttt.........

But I got to see Utt and my friends who were competing introduced him to us. HE SHOOK MY HAND!!!!

OH MY GOD! I FELT LIKE MELTING LAH!!!!

He's damn cute! Honest to God!

Surprisingly I actually expected him to be taller. I was wearing my 4 inch heels and he was of the same height. Hmmm.... Rudy is 170-175cm tall and if I were to wear my 4inches, I only reach his ears. So I guess Utt must be around 16o plus tall..

But never mind! He was CUTE!!

Cheryl, Lisa, Aidah and I were like giggly teenagers. Saying stuff like ' he shook my hand! he shook my hand!' (me.. hehe) 'he brushed past me and touched my back' (Cheryl) 'i took a pic with him' (Aidah) 'i feel so shy' (Lisa)

HAHA!!!

CHEAP THRILL XIA!

But seriously I spent my time ogling at him and DJ Jansen. Haizzz.......

This is 1 of the reason why I like being single. I get to drool and ogle cute guys openly w/o having to worry about 'boyfie's' feelings! haha!

There was a guitarist that was damn HOT too! But unfortunately his girlfriend was so damn langgar lorry xia the face and she caught Cheryl and I staring at the bf and straight away she clung on to him and pulled his head down to kiss him.

OH PLEASE....

DARLING! IF I WANTED YOUR BF I COULD HAVE GOTTEN HIM WITH NO PROB! I JUST HAVE TO SNAP MY FINGERS!

Pfffttttt.......

Cheryl and I retaliated by sticking our tongue out at her. Childish I know but if she's going to start behaving childishly then we'll treat her the same way. I felt so satisfied when she turned to give me a smug look and I showed her 2 fingers right in front of the bf and some other people.

To see her face turn so red and paiseh when I did that was so worth it. Haha!

*Note: She was like 2 arm lengths away from me. That is how obvious it was that I showed it to her.

Bloody bitch didn't even have the guts to tell me off. Hmmm... But I wouldn't think that she would dare. In my heels, I was a head taller than her and even if she did dare, I'll just give a her a damn hard high kick to the head.

I can just imagine doing that and everyone of her friends will be pleading for me to stop and I will say 'NO. If you people don't want me to ram my stilettos through her eyes you will have to buy all my friends a drink' HA HA HA!! I'M EVIL!

But nah.. Why the fuck should I waste my time. In the end I was the one walking away with a smug look on my face. Her face like CHEE BYE xia!

On Thurs Gf Sue asked me to come down to Dbl O since it's been so long since we went to a club. Had fun as always when we got together. Wanted to go makan but a fight nearly broke out between Azmie's (Sue's husband) group and another group. The tension in the air was so thick that in the end the girls headed home.

Friday was spent with me going down to Bedok in the late afternoon to do some errands and met up with W (an old friend of mine since he wasn't meeting his gf) Went down to town together to have dinner and we split up soon after since he was meeting his friends and I needed to rush home and refresh myself.

Cause I had to meet Rudy and his sis and we went to catch the 1.30am show The Simpsons Movie. Ok... I watched the whole show cause I totally adore the Simpsons. Unfortunately after Rudy came back from work in midday, he didn't manage to get any rest.

His bro is getting engaged soon so there was alot to be done and he was out and about with his family the whole day so he fell asleep halfway through the movie. Poor him.. We're more like friends now. Both of us are slowly moving on.

His sis who was up early and spent time with the family and work fell asleep 10 mins before the movie ended. Hmmm.... So I was the one who had to wake both of them up. After which we went home.

My Sat and Sun were spent at home with the family. Arguing and debating about MOTOGP of all things. My parents are big fans of that and I was arguing that it was bloody unfair that they are going to watch the race in Malaysia w/o even thinking about bringing me. HOW COULD THEY!

ME: Why can't I follow?! It's so not bloody fair!

DAD: What bloody? Life IS bloody unfair.

ME: Ya lah.. that one I know. I meant the MOTOGP LAH!

DAD: Ohhh... yah.. too bad.. you can't go. I'm going with your mum and the kids (my siblings)

ME: WAH LAU WEI! I DON'T CARE I'M FOLLOWING.

MUM: Haiyah... you go with your bike friends lah... see.. told you to take bike license don't want.

ME: What does taking bike license got to do with it sey..

MUM: So you can go on your own lah..

ME: But if I go with you guys, my expenses will all be on both of you what..

MUM: BANYAK CANTIK MUKA KAU!

ME: Apa? Tak cantik ke?

DAD: DAH LAH ADA BATU BESAR DUDUK ATAS KEPALA DIA... OUR DAUGHTER PUN MUKA TAK TAHU MALU JUGAK MA..

ME: *grumble grumble*

*Note: My dad was a Mat Motor and my mom was a Minah Motor but if you were to see them now, you wouldn't have guessed but that is a story for another time.

No worries.. I will try my best to weasel my way in that race!

Then yesterday on Mon. Met up with Dea and helped her with her resume and have a late dinner, made plans for the upcoming events we'll be going through in the months ahead and went home.

Reached home around like what......? 10 plus pm? and now is what?

Fucking HELL!

It's 4.37am according to my lappy clock.

Right. I gotta sleep.. Maybe I should message Cheryl and tell her that I'll meet her and Hanif later.. Yes... I'll do that..

Kheheh....

Till then.......

[17] Getting Through The Week

2007-07-22T21:24:00.000+08:00

[17] Getting Through The Week

Dear You

Ever since I found out about that particular news. I've been dragging myself to get through the week.

Mind you. The news is not about Rudy. Nope. It's about me. How I'm going to handle it... I'm not sure. I'm still in disbelief.

FUCK!

I'm going to turn 23 this Oct. I'm still too young for this to happen to me. But then this kind of things doesn't actually care what age you are.

But still! What the hell!

Like what I told some of my friends. Shit happens but when it comes to me...

It's FUCKING DIARRHEA!

Daripada 1 ke 1 xia...

When will it end...

NABEI! she destroyed everything that I had. My happiness and yet she is still taunting me...

FUCKING BITCH!

Well...

Fuck it la...

I hate JULY!!

It's a happy month for some but for me July seems to be the bearer of alot of bad news..

PFFTTTT......

I SSOOOOO can't wait for my BKK trip to de-stress..

Been so busy and tired this past week..

I get so tired easily nowadays. No matter if I try to sleep early. It doesn't seem to make much difference.

Ho well... we'll see how it goes.

Too tired to type anything much now. In fact I didn't have much energy to actually be looking for some adventures or weird stories to tell.

But knowing me.. Something will happen sooner or later. Mark my words..

After all. Nothing can attract trouble and weirdos like I do.

Maybe they know that I'm too lethargic to entertain them and that's why they're staying away to let me gain back some of my energy.

So I guess I had better appreciate the calm before the storm.

Other then that I helped model for Ain for her make up exam yesterday.

Not sure when she can get the studio shots of me.

But she did take some shots with our digi-cams.

Not much but a few...

I would be lying if I said that I didn't wonder how I would look on my wedding day.

(If I finally get married of course)

Like what I told Ain when she asked me about it.

(i rasa when budak-budak semua dah kahwin, dah ada 2-3 anak baru i nya turn)

Again... If I finally decide to get married of course. For now my heart is just not healed enough to think of starting a new relationship.

I'll just be single or a spinster and spend my time with my friend's kids.

A few of my friends have commented that I am getting skinnier.

Yes! I know of that fact! I can see it for myself!

What can I say... I do eat alot.. In fact the past few nights I've been going for dinner with some friends and yeah they were surprised that I didn't gain weight after seeing the amount of food I ate.

It's not that I don't want to gain weight. I do... No matter how much I eat, the stress I've been facing is keeping me from gaining weight.

Damn it!

I really need to get away from this country..

Another month to go and I'm counting down the days.

It's only 10.30pm and already I'm so sleepy..

Think I'm coming down with something.

My immune system to diseases have been hopeless lately.

Maybe I'll go and eat and disturb my siblings before turning in.

Still missing him...

Haizz...

Till then...

[16] Sadness And An Enjoyable Weekend

2007-07-11T23:09:00.000+08:00

[16] Sadness And An Enjoyable Weekend

Dear You

On Thursday I went down to Insomnia for awhile and when I was there, someone gave me some very hurtful news.. Yeah.. It's about Rudy of course..

I was so hurt, I called Dea as I really needed some moral support. After that I exchanged some sarcastic messages with Rudy. When I reached home I was quite exhausted. After showering and stuff, I straight aways went to sleep...

It was quite a deep sleep and I didn't realise that I answered Rudy's call until I heard his voice in my ear.. Thought I was dreaming.

(Let me just digress awhile.)

My handphone is my life. No matter how deep a sleep I am in. When it rings, I will still pick up the call without realising it. That shows how truly dependent I am on it.

So anyhoos..

He called me around 1.15am. If I wasn't mistaken. We talked for half and hour settling things. He knows me very well. Knows that I become sarcastic when I'm upset with him for a reason.

We talked things out and I just couldn't take it anymore. All the hurt and resentment that I kept within me came bubbling out.

Which was a good thing cause apparently he didn't realise that I felt that way all this while.

Which was of no wonder.. During those times, I had kept my worries and stress in check. I didn't let on about my feelings as all I wanted was to have a great happy time when I was with him.

I'm a good girlfriend ok.. I had spent enough time with him so I would naturally be finely tuned to his feelings and would know when he has something on his mind. When that happens..

All I could think of was to make him forget his problems even though it was only temporary. Hence the joy and laughter we shared when we're out. I didn't want to burden him with my problems if I had any.

He told me of his goals and how he wanted to achieve it. I respect him for that. After all I had never been one to actually stop him from following his dreams. Rather I encouraged it.

Everything.. From the modelling to spending his time with his budak-budak to his gym to his guitar playing and to his studies.

I encouraged him. My dad has never been 1 to control my mom's ambitions and I had been brought up in the kind of environment where both my parents treated each other equally and with respect.

So of course I didn't believe in stopping him for achieving his happiness.

We discussed about our friend's upcoming wedding and I told him that since he can't go to the wedding itself. I will go while he goes to the dinner on Saturday night.

I just don't trust myself not to cry if I were to see his face and it wouldn't be fair to both Ain & Didi if I spoiled their happy night.

After we hanged up. I cried for a long time. I remembered that it was already 4 plus in the morning before I cried myself to sleep.

Next thing I knew Su called me at 7am to tell me that she wasn't going to work. After hanging up I was made aware of the painful pounding on my head.

I glanced myself in the mirror and grimaced. I looked like as if the Grim Reaper himself paid me a visit. My eyes were puffy and all the sadness were visible on my face.

Informed my boss that I wasn't coming in to work and went back to sleep till 3 plus in the afternoon. Even then I wanted to just sleep and not face any more of life.

But hell..

This is me.. I won't take things lying down. I needed to work out the stuff that I needed to do.

Reached town around 6pm and did my hair. After that went to Insomnia as I had some things to settle. Took a cab with Brother Dicky who finished work at 10pm.

When I reached home. I just busied myself but thoughts of him were always on my mind.

Anyways..

On Saturday I went to Lia's engagement with Dea at around 3 plus in the afternoon. She was shocked after seeing my new do cause I had said that I will do it on the day itself with her accompanying me. We felt abit awkward as we didn't know that much people.

But after Zul's side came over, we left amidst the excitement. Headed down to town and did abit of window shopping. Had a great time laughing.

After that went to a cozy karaoke place in Bali Lane. I don't remember the name but it was fucking nice lah..

Dea & I sang out hearts out. ( Ok we weren't exactly singing. Sometimes we were screaming & singing out of tune ) we took alot of pictures.

Somehow the happiness between us made me feel lighter till I felt that I was wrong in saying those things to Rudy. Anyway.. we all have friends right? He was with a group of friends after all..

So I called him up with the intention to apologise and to ask about the wedding dinner. I didn't even manage to ask about the dinner when he said something that burst the bubble of happiness I felt.

Apparently he was at East Coast with a friend. I was in such a happy mood that I jokingly ask whether he was on a date and lets just say that his answer wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear.

You know the saying 'What you don't know won't hurt you' right? Well.. I wished I didn't know. Sure he didn't give a yea or a nay but 'kind of' is not that good to hear too right?

The worst part was he was driving. The transportation and location is abit sensitive to me. But it's very personal so I won't enlighten you people on it. But visions of what he may be doing with his 'friend' or 'date' started to plague me.

That's when I broke down and I really mean broke down. Dea tried frantically to calm me down but I was inconsolable. I was hurt, angry and betrayed!

The feelings were so strong till it my hands were shaking. For the people who knows me.. That isn't really a good sign.

But I needn't an outlet to let go of what I felt and I couldn't target it on Dea. When she went out of the room to answer a call. I started to punch the wall. After a few punches I dropped down on the chair feeling exhausted.

We finally left 10 minutes after that and took a cab home. I stayed in the shower for a long time. Tears rolling down my cheeks, my feelings warring with each other and my mind so confused.

DAMN IT! I STILL LOVE HIM!

I am angry with myself because I know that deep down in my heart. No matter what happens. If he were to ever want to get back with me in the future.. I know that I will take him back.

Yeah.. All of you might say that this is what I will say now but in the future I will think differently.

But let me ask you people this..

Are you people me?

Are you Nor Natasha Binte Ibrahim?

No right?

So how would you know that this is what I will say now and not in the future?

Don't compare me to you.

You're not me.

I am me.

I know the kind of person I am.

I know what I feel.

So please don't say this kind of shit to me alright?

Yeah.. Some of you may say that I would be stupid to feel that way.

But hey remember this.. I a rebel. I have always been. With me, rules were not meant to be broken but instead it is meant to be obliterated.

The phoenix that rises up from the ashes emerge stronger.

So sorry yah.. I don't make a habit of listening to what people have to say. Hell.. I don't listen to my own parents at times.

So.. advise me if you will. Something like 'you can pull through this' or 'Rudy is a fool to leave you'.. now that would be nice.

But if you're going to say 'don't be stupid about going back to him' then I seriously don't need your 2 cents worth because you don't know me. You don't know the person that I am.

Please don't say that because it will make me drop down even lower. Let me slowly wean myself off the depression.

When I have my fuck care attitude back then you can say things like that ok.

When I was younger I used to say.. ' I always get what I want' and let's just say without elaborating, that phrase has never let me down.

Don't be surprised.. I have more than a few aces up my sleeves.

Yeah.. I'm very obstinate. Whatever it is I will always be right. My dad did say that instead of a rock I have a whole damn mountain on my head.

But if on some point a good-looking charming guy who could beat Rudy in the ways to make me fall in love with him suddenly appears then that would be SO FINE!

But for now that good-looking charming guy is out of reach. I have never met any guy who could sweep me off my feet like Rudy did 2 years ago and he did it in such a discreet delightful way that left my head spinning.

But anyhoos..

On Sunday I went to Ain & Didi's wedding and I enjoyed myself. Though at times when I saw couples hugging and just being loving to each other, I had to rub my chest to ease the stabbing pain in my heart.

I took loads of pictures.. Since I followed in Kak Lin's car. I took the pics while sticking half of my body out the back window. I'm PROUD of that fact ok! I took quite a few good shots that way.

Overall even though it was a hot day, it was a great one.

Everyone was joking and laughing and fooling around. The time pass by quite fast and before I knew it. I was on the train back home.

Everyone I know is either getting engaged or married. Or even married with kid or kids.The wedding triggered the depression in me and I forced myself to sleep in order to suppress it.

Rudy ever once said that this year in November, we would be getting engaged on our 2nd anniversary. But knowing him and his short term memory what with all the problems he's facing. I'm sure he will have forgotten.

The depression lasted till Tuesday. I had bouts of sadness and flashbacks so I wasn't really that noisy or active at work nor at home.

I just did my work. Speak when spoken to and read my book.

The fucked up thing is that it disappeared when I called Rudy up to ask about his sister. Amazingly at the sound of his voice, everything all melted away.

I can't lah...

No matter how angry I feel. If I were to meet him or talk to him I will melt..

Just the sight of him or the sound of his deep voice make me light-hearted and happy.

WHAT THE FUCK!

NABEI!

But no worries.. I'm still keeping my distance from him and moving the pieces of my heart away from him. Out of his reach. I'm not stupid. I will not show him that I'm vulnerable.

For now. We agreed to be friends and we will try to treat each other as civilly as possible. But I know that there will be times when the sarcasm between each other will start.

Haiizzz...

If there's one thing I wish.. I wish we could both get angry with each other outright. When both of us starts being sarcastic nobody will win till one of us back down and the worst part is neither will back down.. That is how sharp-tongued we are.

No other guys that I have been with or known has ever been able to endure my words

For once in my life.. I have met my match.

Is there any other guy like that out there?

Let me know!

Ok... I wanna go and sleep...

For those of you that are reading this through my blog on blogspot. Go to my Multiply link at the side to see the pictures that I took over the weekend..

I took over 100 plus pictures for 2 days ok.. 121 pictures on Sunday itself. Please leave nice comments about the shots ok.. Say something like 'you're the best camerawoman in the whole wide world!' ok not in the world lah..

Sounds abit too much.

How bout 'you're the best camerawoman in the whole of Singapore!'

HAHA!!!

I SOOOO have no shame lah!

Till then....

[15] My Best Girlfriends And My GodDaughter!

2007-07-04T23:52:00.000+08:00

[15] My Best Girlfriends And My GodDaughter!

Dear You

Nothing much to say now..

Wait..

I should say nothing much to tell... YET!

But for now.. I'm dedicating this entry to 2 of my babes.. 2 of my best girlfriends and my goddaughter.

I met Suliana or Su and Juraida or Lobe ( pronounced as LO-BEH)... TERBALIKKAN BELO JADI LOBE since sec 1 in Hong Kah Sec. We became best buddies and the bond lasted all throughout these years..

At that point of time in school. Cliques were common. With the exception of Juraida. Not only were we in the same class. We were in the same clique. The 'degil, kepala batu, rebellious, crazy and.. hot stuff' clique.

HAHA!

Ok.. I was bullshitting about the 'hot stuff' part but yeah.. basically we were in the 'IN' group.

CHEY! AKSEN PULAK!

For Fuck sakes lah Tasha.. Stop it xia!

But anyway...

Enough of that...

10 years of friendship and only once in 1999 when we were in sec 3 did we argue and only because a girl from our group was jealous of my friendship to Su and teamed up with my ex and made up rumours to break our friendship.

All that time Lobe was neutral and hanged out with either Su or me.

But too bad.. it lasted at most 2 weeks before Su found out the truth and came up to me and apologised and since then we have never argued. Even though there are times when we don't meet up for months on end...

We have always been comfortable with our bond. When I had problems, I'd call them up. When they had problems, they'd call me up.

Never once have we said to each other 'when u're happy, u forget me but when u're in trouble, u look for me'

Nope..

There was a point of time when we didn't meet up for nearly 2 years then I got a call from them and our conversation was like as if we had always met up everyday.

We know each others ups and downs and we had never judged each other. We accepted each other for who we are.

Ok..

Why am I suddenly talking about them..

Feeling nostalgic lah...

Missing the good times we had when we were in our teens and carefree.

Then.. It was Fuck the guys.. We have each other. Nobody can hurt us because the others would back us.

Now.. Su has been married for nearly 2 years with her husband Azmie (also a long time friend) and her 4 month old daughter Rizny Sherafeena whom she loves very much.

Lobe is in a steady comfortable relationship with Fahmi ( a long time friend too). Get this.. Ever since she was in kindergarten, she had a crush on Fahmi all the way till they finally got together around 3 years ago..

Now that's a very long time crush!

Aku nye turn....

LAMA LAGI!!!

HAHA!

Aniways.. these are my best girlfriends and my goddaughter.

Now for my goddaughter... Rizny Sherafeena Binte Rozkyazmie

KIUT KAN!

Su's mom is a Mak Andam and at this time they were clearing up her andam stuff and saw the wig and decided to put it on Rizny..

Hehe.. Amoi Jepon!

Sayang Dia!

Ok I'm gonna sleep now!

Till then.....

[14] Keeping Busy Doesn't Seem To Work.. BUT....

2007-07-01T22:56:00.000+08:00

[14] Keeping Busy Doesn't Seem To Work.. BUT....

Dear You

I have been so busy lately till I'm not even sure whether I'm coming or going. But it's great.. It keeps my mind of things. It was to the point where my daily planner was damn fucking full!

I made it that way because I really need to keep my mind off Rudy. He texted me on Friday night the 15th and asked whether we could stay friends.

His excuse for that request was very illogical and unbelievable but then what else am I to do except accept it.

No matter that I felt like shaking him by the shoulders and demanding that he gives me a good reason instead of a lame one.

But strangely... Deep down inside.. I somehow felt that the lame reason was actually the truth.

I can't explain why but my instincts have always been spot on. Still.. I'm still not clear about the whole picture.

If you're reading this Rudy.. I just have to say this to you..

Yes. I do understand that you don't want to give me hopes that you're afraid that you can't fulfill

I wished that we could have at least put in the effort and tried.

Sure. People are giving you more responsibilities and you're getting more workload. But then I have never demanded for your attention 24hrs a day ok. Think about it.

The last time I met you was somewhere in the middle of June. Before that I didn't meet you for 4 months and in that 1 month you didn't even call me for a month.

OI! It's good enough that I wasn't paranoid ok! You did something once. You could have done it again.

But no.. I made a promise to you last year that I will change myself completely and..

TAA DAH!

I did! You asked me to trust you and I did.

I gave you all the freedom and space you wanted..

Itu pun not enough for yew ke Bear? :'(

NABEI!

I stopped smoking because you nicely asked me to ok!

PFFFTTT!

Then now you say you wanna be friends because you getting more responsibility?

Hell! I feel hurt because in a way you are implying that I'm a burden to you?

Hey! Before we even got together in a relationship I laid out to you everything before me and I even asked you to consider but no...

You said that you can see that I'm a good person and that we will go through all obstacles together.

But when that stupid bitch started destroying everything. You were the 1st to actually pull away. I thought I was supposed to be the weak one and you were supposed to be the strong one.
I feel so disappointed.....

I gave you all of me
How was I to know,
You would weaken so easily
I don't know what to do
Now I'm all cried out
Over you

I gave you my love in vain
My body never knew such pleasure,
My heart never knew such pain
And you
You left me so confused

I don't ask much from you Rudy. I just ask for your honesty, your loyalty, your trust and your love.

But honestly.. I still love you Rudy. Yeah.. I really do.. But like you said. If we were meant to be together.. then we will end up with each other.

But for now. I will enjoy and embrace my single hood! Hence the busy days..

Needless to say.. I haven't been getting that much sleep lately. The days after I wrote my previous entry were filled with meeting my girlfriend Dea over at Spinelli Raffles City where we would discuss and plan our upcoming Bangkok trip in September.

I'm so fucking excited I tell you.

We're going to be spending a week there and it's retail therapy for us bebeh!

One of my best guy friends got engaged on the 17th of June and I was so happy for him. Kecik was the one who actually introduced me to Rudy. But he was the one who got settled down 1st.

It was funny cause nearly a year after I got together with Rudy, he was actually complaining to him on how he can never find the one.

Now he's with the ONE..

Congrats again Kecik. Even though I wasn't with Rudy anymore. Nothing would stop me from going to my "brother"'s engagement.

After that a few of us went over to Boy's house cause he got into an accident a few days before. Please people when you're on the road. Think of others ok

It's because of this kind of carelessness that cause others to get hurt. But we had fun at his place overall. We were eating, watching Tv and playing with Flash's new PSP.

Haha! Sorry eh Flash. Me and Wak kept arguing with each other on whose turn it was to play on the PSP.

Won't tell much. Just look at the pics.

Then the days after that met Dea again.. abit of chilling at Spinelli's again and on some days went shopping with Cat.

On the 23rd of June which was a Saturday.. One of my friend got married at Chijmes Hall. The food was damn delicious I tell you.. Courtesy of Capella of course..

Won't say much again.. But here's a few pics of the couple.

Douglas O was also present and afterwards both the bride and groom celebrated at Le Baroque. Cat and I went to Insomnia. Where else other this wacky place with the wackiest staff ever.

On Sunday I went window shopping with Dea and it was damn frustrating I tell you!

Sales everywhere. We totally fell in love with this particular GUESS? blouse which was originally $175 and it was strike down to a fucking $59 bucks xia!!

But we had to resist ourselves from shopping cause we really need to save up for the Bangkok trip. I'm going to shop till I drop and crawl!

Haha!

We were practically clutching each other and hyperventilating when we saw how the prices were slashed.

Dea's arm were covered with goosebumps all the way..

Relax girl..

September will roll in soon!

Oh!

I have to say that my best girlfriend since secondary school, Sue joined my company too. So now there's 3 ex Hong Kah students and it's such a blast to have her around.

I miss my babe lah.. Ever since she got married and gave birth.. I didn't spend as much time meeting her as before.

What to do.. A wife and a mother already.. Her daughter/ my god daughter is really cute lah.. I will steal a pic of her from Sue's phone and post it up.

She will seriously grow up to be a beautiful young lady and a heart breaker too.

Hmmm...

Abit like her mom.

Haha!

Ok!

Enough talking.. Just see the pics of me and my colleagues.

Ok enough of this!

I'm tired!

I better go and sleep. This coming weekend will be a busy one for me.

On Saturday 7th July, I'll be going to Lia & Zul's engagement then I'll be going shopping with Dea and I will have a surprise!

One of my wish list will be coming true.. Guess which.. heheh..

After shopping, if it's not too late.. I'll be going to Ain & Didi's wedding dinner. If I cant make it..

Sorry eh Ain.. You know what I'm going to be getting right?

I don't know how long it will take. But I'll see you the next day. That's a promise!

Then on Sunday 8th July, Ain and Didi's wedding!

Gosh!

Everyone I know is either getting engaged or married. I heard that my ex primary school friend got married last week and in August, my ex secondary school friend is getting engaged and...

Rudy's mom told me earlier today that his brother is getting engaged in August!

AARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

The torture!!

But hey..

Congratz to them...

P.S. Thanks to my friends who are helping me cope with the lonely void that Rudy has left behind.

Thank you for listening to my rants and raves and my pleas for help.

Thank you for supporting me and sitting through my tears.

Thanks to my friends who kept me entertained at work so that I won't be thinking of him.

Thanks to Cheryl for making me put aside my own problems so that I could occupy myself with yours. Hee...

Especially Dea who actually talked to me all through the night till the early morning listening to me cry my heart out when I called her just as she was about to fall asleep..

Thanks Gf! And I'm so sorry to disrupt your sleep.

Till then...

[13] Feeling So Lethargic

2007-06-15T10:37:00.000+08:00

[13] Feeling So Lethargic

Dear You

Its been very busy for me lately. A few of my friends has been calling up and checking on me ever since I posted my previous entry. Thanks for your concern people but you know me.

Its the past and I'm over it. Yes I do get flashbacks now and then but I'm trying to concentrate on the happier part of life.

As some of you might know. It's bloody hard but I'm trying to manage. With all you caring people around, I know I can overcome it.

To STG who happened to blog hopped to my blog and left a comment on my tag board. I'm pleased that my story has touched you. I just want to point out something which goes to the rest of the guys out there who will also chance upon my blog.

What I also forgot to put in was that when Apple used to beat me. He would say that he loved me.

Weird right?

He beat me because he loved me too much.

I totally find that fucking stupid.

How can you ever beat the one you love?

I love my family but you don't see me beating the hell out of them.

I love my friends too but you don't see me beating them.

During that point of time, I would always pray that he doesn't admit that he is totally crazy in love with me.

Why?

His excuse for beating me was because he loved me. If he is crazy in love with me.. then what?
He'll kill me?

Let me try to point out this one thing.

Our parents love us, no matter what wrong we do.. they will never stop loving us. They are the ones who raised us. From the day we were born, our parents were there for us.

When we were young and got sick, our parents were the ones who nursed us till we got better.

When we fell and bruised ourselves, they were the ones who tended to it.

For some of you, your parents never laid a hand on you. For some also, our parents do cane us but because it's for discipline.

Not matter what our parents faults are. Our parents love us unconditionally.

But yet till they die, they will never stop loving us.

SO WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS TO THINK THAT YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BEAT US?

For those who are just in a relationship in which I mean not married. Come on.. You're just the boyfriends. You didn't raise us, you weren't there for all our obstacles in our life.

Korang lelaki kasi kita makan pe?!

Fuck lah

Your love for us is not even guaranteed 100%

When you stop having feelings for us. You just drift away.

So let me ask you guys again. Is it fair for us to have you beating us because you're jealous or paranoid?

Granted there are some girls who is asking for a smack but still..

There are most who totally love you and accepts whatever it is that you do. No matter if it's wrong or right.

Appreciate us for that fact. That most are blinded with love that they are blinded to your faults.

Honestly nobody respects a guy who beat up girls. I myself think that it's cowardly.

Women are usually universally considered the weaker sex.

Though there are some women that I do admire for their guts and strength.

And there are women who are like men.

But still the point is.. men has the advantage of bigger bodies and harder hits. They have the strength for brutality. Plus they usually outweigh us in many things.

Charlie's Angels we are not.

On that note. Let me just say that if you say you love us then mean it. Do it through your heart not through your fists. Do you really find satisfaction in seeing that the person that you claim to love is all covered in bruises?

I can teach you all a very hard lesson by posting up pictures of me after Apple has beaten me. But I don't want to make you shudder and lose your appetites.

You wouldn't even recognise my face as it was all covered in bruises that was in various shades of purple, yellow, black and blue. Same goes to my body.

So please lah guys. We love you. At least treat us with some respect in return for us loving you.

I am so glad that even though once in a while I have been showing a bit of attitude to Bear, he has never laid his hands on me.

Hell.. even when we argue, we refrain ourselves from hurling vulgarities at each other and saying things that we will regret. Which is an incredible feat because both of us have very hot tempers and tend to hit something in anger. I treasure him all the more.

In fact 2 nearly 3 weeks ago he just bought a punching bag so now he can just punce out his frustration on the bag and not the walls of his house.

But yet still.. I guess maybe it's not enough for him. As of now, we're not really together because he says that it's for my own good. He wants to protect me from that bitch who keeps on bothering us.

But yet there may be a possibility that we will get back together.

So now I'm just spending my time with my friends and work.

Which reminds me. I haven't updated that I'm no longer working at Suntec.

So I haven't been blogging or logging in to msn much.

I'm no longer and admin assistant at Mercator Lines shipping company.

Now I'm a marketing executive for Jardine Smith International. Which is also located at Suntec Tower Four level 30 but that's the main office. For me.. my workplace is now located at 1 of the shophouses in Neil Road opposite the Cantonment Police Complex.

It's so much better then my previous working place. Then I was the only young staff there and I didn't actually converse with anybody. My admin officer is also annoying. She like to speak to me like I'm a kid or like I'm stupid.

Like hello.. I didn't get my diploma just so you can talk to me like I'm too stupid to understand. Then when I use perfect English to talk to you, you go blur. Idiotic bitch!

Pfffftttt....

So anyhoo.. my current workplace is more fun.. We have the radio playing loudly, we do our work but sometimes we just turn to each other and chit chatted. Or we call up our friends and talk. The boss is also fun. Makes lame jokes and has a funny kind of laugh which in turn will make us laugh too.

It's 10 to 7pm but now I enjoy coming to work. That's the way it should be. When you enjoy the work you tend to do better. Plus it's so much nearer.

I just started work and I got half day yesterday and leave today. That's why I'm up early and updating this poor neglected blog of mine. But I've got so many things to do.

1 of my best buddy is here for holiday before going back to LA next Thursday. Over the weekend I'm probably meeting my best gfs. If not I'll take the opportunity to laze at home and read the book that I checked out from the library.

On Sun, 1 of my best guy friend is getting engaged. I'm so happy for him. 2 years ago we were complaining to each other that we will never be able to find the right one for us. I'm glad you are in the middle of your path to happiness KECIK!

I so can't wait! On Mon, I'll be chilling out with my girlfriend Cheryl. Probably going to Hard Rock to watch Kumar. It's been a while.

I'm going to have to sleep well these 3 nights. I have the feeling that I will not be able to regain my energy till next Sat.

For now.. I'm going to just relax with my book.

Till then...

[12] My Pent Up Anger

2007-05-28T22:49:00.000+08:00

[12] My Pent Up Anger

Dear You

As I have said earlier.. I have a story to tell. Know of the saying. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?

Well..

On Sunday night I was walking towards the 7-11 situated near the main road. On the way there I met up with my old friends during my shake-uh-shake days.. So long ago.. 7 years ago in fact. It's been that long so I thought that since I was there, I might as well stopped by and catch up on old times.

Unfortunately 1 of them was a girl 5 years younger than me. I totally hated her. She was cocky and full of shit. But then since the rest of my friends were there, I don't actually have to acknowledge her.

After the usual.. ' hey Tasha.. long time no see.. where did you disappear to.. yada yada yada..

I settled down and chatted with my long time buddy.

After a while.. somebody said to me..

'Hey Tasha.. thought I saw Apple did other day. Still remember him?'

I just smiled and ignored him.

Suddenly this cocky youngster bitch said loudly.. ' Eh Tasha.. why so quiet? Can't bear to talk about 1 of the guys who got away from your clutches?'

The rest of them became silent.

WHO THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK SHE IS XIA.. TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT

Oh.. But she wasn't done..

Youngster BITCH continues, ' heard that your boyfriend now has cheated on you and that there is a possibility that he's cheating on you now'

GGRRRRRRrrrrrrr.....

She doesn't fucking know that that is a very sensitive issue for me.

Me, ' Really.. Didn't realise that after I finished school I am popular enough for you people to talk about'

Youngster BITCH, ' Popular my ass! You're just cheap enough for people to gossip about so don't try to act like a high-class bitch! Apple was the only one man enough to beat you and teach you a few things!'

Before I explain about Apple, let me just say that at this point of time I was FUCKING PISSED!

Oh.. but I didn't show my anger..

I laughed and everyone relaxed

I went to went and pretended to shake her hand and said that I realise that I was a bitch

Then I punched her in the face

Yeah I did

It was stupid but I have alot of pent up anger towards the stupid bitch who was stalking me and ruining my relationship and I admit now that some of that anger was because of Rudy aka Bear.
I was hurt, disappointed and angry at the way he treated me.

I didn't have an outlet to release my anger so unfortunately she was the one who tripped my wire.

Youngster BITCH was shocked

HAH!

Stupid idiot didn't know how I change when I'm in a temper.

She started screeching for the others to whack me because I dared to lay a hand on her.

Nobody moved

Finally A said, ' You crazy? We know Tasha longer before we know you. Tasha goes by her own rules. What you said about her boyfriend and Apple is a low blow. You picked the fight so you finish it'

By this time I was shaking in anger. My fists were just aching to hit her or something again. But I just turned and stormed off home.

The stupid bitch still had the cheek to yell at me to come back and called me a coward.

Hah!

When I turned back, she ran away

PIECE OF CHICKEN SHIT!

Why did I react that way.. I knew it was wrong.

It wasn't right to fight

But the mention of Apple brought to mind images of my past. The past that made me the way I am now. Wary, cold-hearted, suspicious and distrustful.

Apple is a very sore subject to me

But I'm going to be open here

Because I am tired of people thinking that I was born a cold-hearted arrogant bitch

************************************

Back in 2001 during my minah rep days. I met Apple at the now defunct Fire/Sparks disco. He was kinda cute then.

Our honeymoon period lasted only 6 months before he started being a bastard

After that time, he started contacting other hostesses, stole my money to buy them gifts, put me under house arrest, beat me and even raped me.

Yeah he did..

It was because of him that my nose suddenly had a bridge. It was because of him, my right cheekbone sunk in. It was because of him, sometimes I walk with a limp.

He would beat me with anything and everything

He ever threw a bottle of water to my head and it burst causing me to have a blood clot in my eye

He would use the thermos which boils water to hit my face

He would wind his leather belt with the metal buckle facing outwards to hit me all over

He would bang my head against the wall and the floor

He would be me till I was unconscious and beat me again till I regained consciousness

I've been beaten up in a cab in front of the taxi driver who tried to help me but got scolded in return

Thank you Uncle for trying to help

I've been beaten outside The Heeren when there was no NYDC but a fountain where it is always packed every Saturdays

Thank you to the people who tried to help me

Thank you to the girl who blocked and shielded me from his punches

Which ended in her getting punched as well

Thank you to her boyfriend and his friends who tried to pull him back

Thank you for trying to help even though we were strangers

But I understand when you had to back off when his gang arrived

You must be thinking why I didn't report to the police.

I can't

Not because I was scared

But because I was also involved in his illegal dealings and activities

In defense I learned how to fight him back

Thus learning how to build a hard shell around me to avoid getting hurt

He hurt me physically, mentally and emotionally

He would say that I was never good enough for any guy

He would say that he was the only one who understood me

He would say that no other guy would want a girl like me

I knew it would end sooner or later so I bid ed my time

God answered my prayers when he got caught for rioting and voluntarily causing hurt to a passer by

* He slashed off a guy's ear*

He had to serve a sentence of 5 years and 12 strokes of the cane

Even though I pitied his mother

I have to say that 12 strokes is not enough compared to the torture he gave me

So now you all know why it's a very sore subject

Because of him, I lost my innocence. My good nature. My life.

In its place I became very cold and hard hearted. Suspicious.

My view of life changed from being happy go lucky to sarcastic and distrustful

Yes I am still very angry at him even though when he came out of prison, he called and apologised

I have never been able to tell him that I can forgive him and forget what he has done

Because like the bastard he is

He still has the cheek to say what he had said that few years ago

'only he can understand me and accept me'

FUCK YOU LAH APPLE

In a way that is why I am angry at Rudy

He is playing with me feelings the same way Apple had even though he doesn't lay a hand on me.

In a way they gave me the vibes that they know I love them but yet they still hurt me

I may be tough on the outside

But my heart is vulnerable and has never been able to fully mend

Everytime I start to glue back the pieces

The person I love will smash it again...

[11] No Time

2007-05-28T17:50:00.000+08:00

[11] No Time

Dear You

10 more mins before I finished work. I so wanted to blog earlier but alas I had no time.. Was so busy.. I have a story to tell.

[10] I Saw A Waterspout

2007-05-26T02:10:00.000+08:00

[10] I Saw A Waterspout

Dear You

Did you watch the news last night? Apparently there was a sighting of a waterspout.

AND I AM 1 OF THE 1ST FEW PEOPLE WHO SAW IT!

REALLY!!

I was in the office when I decided to go the conference room to look up for some documents left there. The door was facing the window so obviously when I walk in, I would automatically look there.

I was a bit stunned when I saw it. In my mind I was thinking ' WHAT KIND OF FUCKING TRICK IS THAT'

After the initial surprise I ran to my workspace and took out my phone and ran back quickly to the windows to snap some pictures.

Here's how it looks like from my 42nd floor office in Suntec Tower 2..

It was some cool shit xia!

I straight away sent messages to my friends on my handphone and MSN

I told them in a very excited way that I saw a 'tornado'

1 of my irritatingly sarcastic friend, Wadi asked me a question which obviously shows that he thought I was joking.

Wadi, 'wah.. really? did you see any ships being destroyed?'

-_-

Me, ' no.. and I didn't see any fishes or cows flying around either'

Obviously he was thinking about that movie about the people chasing after tornados..

I forgot the title of the movie.

But hey..

I GOT TO SEE IT REAL LIVE!!

Fuck xia.. It really made my day.

[9] Irritating Stupid People

2007-05-25T14:42:00.000+08:00

[9] Irritating Stupid People

Dear You

Whenever I thought that I may have met the most irritating.. the most stupidest person that has ever been born..

BAM!

Along comes another idiot!

I hate it when this fuckers walk without looking ahead and bang into people. I hate it when they walk and turn around suddenly without warning. And I hate it when they block the way and walk bloody slowly.

Like HELLO!

You fuckers are NOT the only one walking around the area ok!

Oh!

I also hate it when people in the elevators don't hold the door for others. The people who just walk straight to the back when the doors open and don't hold the door open or push the floor that they are heading to.

BLOODY STUPID IDIOTS!

Earlier when I went for lunch, I nearly had the elevator doors slam close in my face. The lady who was at the back off the elevator was the one who rushed forward to press it open.

But the bastard who was standing right in front of the buttons had his hands in his pockets.

CIAO CHEE BAI!

I glared at the fucker and sarcastically said 'hey.. thanks ALOT for holding the door for me'

He turned red and mumbled thanks

GRRRrrrrr....

I felt like smacking him on the head with the document I had in my hand

STUPID WANKER!

sorry..

I have always been a vulgar person but when I'm PISSED! I become even more so..

BLASTED IDIOT!

Then when I was walking towards Chijmes, there were two ladies walking in front of me.

AND OH MY GOD!

They were walking so damn slow and blocking the way. When I tried to overtake, they would veer slightly to the side where I wanted to overtake them.

I got so frustrated, I just brushed past them.

EEEEE!!!!!!

Geram* tau! (Fed-up)

STUPID BTICHES!

Then when walking past 'New York New York' at Citylink Mall. This blooming bastard knocked into me. Apparently he was walking with his head turned to the side looking at something or someone.

Fucker didn't even say sorry!

He just acted like nothing happened and walked off.

WHAT THE FUCK!

It's lunch hour and the place is fucking crowded. WHY MUST YOU WALK WITHOUT YOUR EYES LOOKING AHEAD AR?!

YOU THINK YOU OWN THE PLACE AND EXPECTS THE REST OF THE PEOPLE TO MAKE THE WAY FOR YOU LIKE THE WAY THE OCEAN PARTED FOR MOSES AR?!

AT LEAST HAVE THE COURTESY TO APOLOGISE LA WANKER!

Right after that.. this stupid bitch turned around suddenly and banged into me.

The best part was that she was the one to glared and *chek* at me.

I was so pissed, I loudly said STUPID BITCH and just pushed past her. She nearly fell.. NEARLY!

If she fell I would have laughed. I would have kicked her stupid face in.

Please lah.. when u want to make a u-turn, the least you could do is walk slightly to the side and checked our blind spot 1st then turn.

I dread to think how you people would be like on the road if you people have licenses!

Honestly... I have quit smoking because my Bear wishes me to.

But at times like this, I wish I have a pack of Marlboro Reds so that I can whip out a ciggy and chain-smoke till I relieve myself from all this frustrations!

[8] I Hate Idiotic Guys

2007-05-21T14:48:00.000+08:00

[8] I Hate Idiotic Guys

Dear You

I wonder why everytime guys sees girls, they will start to sing. Do they honestly think that it will attract the girls to them?

What do they expect us girls to do exactly? Join in the song and start dancing like some Bollywood movie?

I FIND IT TOTALLY IRRITATING!!

Be they Malay, Chinese or Indian.. they all do the same thing.

FREAKS!

When I walk by Indian guys, they sing Tamil songs while looking at me.

When I walk by Chinese guys, they sing Chinese songs while looking at me.

When I walk by Malay guys, they sing Malay love songs while looking at me.

COULD SOMEBODY EXPLAIN WHY TO ME?

Because I'm really tempted to go up to them and just give them a hard smack on the head!

Does singing actually moves up their machoness or their romantic side up a notch?

LIKE HELLO!! YOUR VOICE DON'T EVEN SOUND THAT GOOD!

HEEESSSHHH!

Like earlier while on my lunch hour. I was at the bank and there was this Malay guy with spiky hair who is around my height and wearing sunglasses. He was standing next to me and he kept on looking at me. If I were to turn my head at his direction, he would start grinning like a fool.

I could see that the people around us were very kepo because I noticed that they kept looking at me. In the end I was so pissed at him and I was also thinking that if all these kepos want a show then FUCK IT! I'LL GIVE THEM A SHOW!

I turned my head to Spiky Hair and looked directly into his sunglasses. You could almost see him practically containing his excitement.

I asked sharply, " Why do you keep looking at me? Never seen a female before is it?"

Him, "No.. I mean.. You're pretty lah. So I was thinking I must have your number?"

Me, " Not interested. I have a boyfriend."

Him, "Alah.. Boyfriend only, not husband"

Me FURIOUS " EH! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! WHAT YOU MEAN BOYFRIEND ONLY?! BLOODY WANKER! SORRY I DON'T LIKE TO GET TO KNOW SHORT GUYS! STUPID FUCKER!"

With that I turned around and walked off. I was so furious. I hate it when guys says things like that or there are some who actually have the cheek to say ' steady boleh break, tunang boleh putus, kahwin boleh cerai ' translation ' steady relationships can be broken, engagements can be called off, married can be divorced '

When that happens, I will usually answer back ' yah and that is exactly what I would be doing if I were to get to know you'

When they say that, it's just so obvious what kind of guys they are. Who's to say that if I were to end up with them, they won't be saying the same thing to other girls that caught their eye.

Pffffttt......

Oh.. and why I said I don't like to get know short guys is because I just hate to be with guys that are short or just the same height as me.

The reason being heels. I like to wear heels. High heels. Like 4 inch high heels. I just LOVE them.

I've 4 pairs of 4 inch heels and they are my favourite. Oh.. my mom and others shakes their head and wonders how I am able to walk. But surprisingly, I have actually run and jumped with them and I have never tripped.

Okay.. I didn't run and jump on purpose. Last year during Hari Raya, I was out with Bear and JMs and when we were going back our various transports to the next destination, I saw a bloody cockroach running towards me. So I jumped and ran to Bear.

Hee..

He gave me a scolding like, how I can twist my ankles if I were to do that while wearing those kind of dangerous weapons. Yeah.. He called them weapons on account of the pointed front and needle thin stiletto heels.

But to be able to wear those heels, I need to have a tall boyfriend, and thank goodness, Bear is tall. Without them I only reach Bear's chin. With them I only reach his ear.

I admire those couple where the ladies are taller than the guys. But it's just not for me. I can't imagine myself towering over my boyfriend.

But then... I have always been fussy.

Hmm...

Two more hours to go before I meet up with Cheryl for dinner.

Oh.....

Before I forget...

I talked to Bear yesterday evening. We're ok now. We still together but we're just taking some time off from each other for a month or so.

It's because of that stupid stalker bitch. But we're recovering. I love him lah...

Till then...

[7] 6 Days Of Pure Torture

2007-05-20T23:02:00.000+08:00

[7] 6 Days Of Pure Torture

Dear You

An hour more to go before it's Monday and a few more hours before I get ready for work. I have been sick for 6 days.

I had an mc for Tuesday and on Wednesday I took another mc because I was still feeling rotten. On Thursday I went to work but they sent me back home after lunch and told me to go to the doctor again because I was coughing very badly.

I got another two days mc and when I reached home after that, I was already burning hot. I quickly showered and slept. When I woke at night, I think maybe around 9 plus, I was delirious.

I asked my younger brother to take my temperature with his school thermometer and it announced that my temperature was 39.6!

Heavens!

Needless to say I was moaning and groaning all through the weekend. IT BLOODY SUCKS I TELL YOU!!

But let me tell you something that I found out earlier today. My fever was not natural. I went to this center for those kind of spiritual consultation.

Yup.. that was the cause of it. Honestly it's true. There has been some disturbance lately at my home. Which I would not describe.

Damn! I just started work. I hope that this would not cost me my job but hey.. I don't actually mind because I got another offer with better pay...

We'll see how it goes.

For now.. I still coughing and it's very irritating. It's one of those dry, itchy throat kind of cough.

Well I better sleep.. Tomorrow's another day at work and I can't keep feeling shitty all the time.

Till then..

*P.S. for the pic below, I asked my brother to pose in exactly the same way he reacted when he saw my temperature reading 3 nights ago..

[6] Sick....

2007-05-15T14:29:00.000+08:00

[6] Sick..

Dear You

I'm at home now. Just came back from the doctor. Feeling so ill.. I've been feeling unwell the past few days but what's so shitty about it is that I will not have fever at night. In the day my temperature would drop to the normal level but when night comes and I'm on the way home from work, I can feel it climbing up again. By the time I reach home, I just want to get into bed.

Last night Aidah asked me to go to Hard Rock but I was so reluctant. I made plans to meet her there at 12am. But I fell asleep. The kind of sleep where you drift into oblivion. I was only startled awake once or twice. 1st because it was raining heavily in the early morning. Actually a storm was more like it. Through the haze in my muddled sick mind.

I could hear loud claps of thunder and since my window was open. The air which forced itself in my room made me chilled to the bone even though I was wearing my blanket. I was too sick to even get up to close the window.

When I went to see the doctor earlier, my stupid temperature went down and the doctor didn't see the need to give me two days of medical leave even though I pleaded with him.

Me: ' Please lah doctor, my fever comes at night and I can't sleep properly because of my aching muscles.'

Doctor: ' There's no need. You just need to rest. Get lots of sleep and you'll be fine the next day.'

Fucking stupid doctor.

I just told him that I couldn't sleep well because of the muscle aches. Haiz.. I didn't bother to argue. I just wanted to go home and crawl back under the covers.

I want my Bear.. :(

Last noght the crazy stalker was messaing him. He got very pissed off which resulted in him throwing around his hp till it broke.. Poor thing. When I get the cash maybe I'll get him a new one.

Haiz.. that girl is really getting on our nerves. Stupid bitch can't leave us alone.

Now Bear is doing his ippt before going back to work. I hope he'll pass. It will be nice for him to have more allowance.

OK!

Anyhows... the medication the doctor gave me is making me drowsy... I going to sleep..

Till then...

[5] The Past Week

2007-05-09T15:38:00.000+08:00

[5] The Past Week

Dear You

Sorry I haven't been updating the thrills and spills of my life. I've been busy and by the time I sit in front of my lappy, I'm just too exhausted to do anything else except check my mail.

Okay. So.. What has been happening?

Monday 31st April
Was bored so I decided to meet up with my Girlfriend Mas. We haven't seen each other in like months! Met up with her friends at Taka and we sat around and joked. It was a hoot i tell you! They were making all these lame jokes and impersonation of the people they knew or the people they saw at clubs. I laughed till I was breathless. Stayed awhile and left around 10.30pm

Tuesday 1st May
Labour Day. I'm still very pissed off about Rudy. He still hasn't contacted me in any way. *&%#@*! Honestly I was very pissed. I called him thinking of confronting him. A girl answered. Said that he wasn't around. I only heard the sound of the Tv in the background.I pretended to put down the phone but only covered the mouthpiece. After a while I heard her say that there was nobody on the line and she cancelled the connection. I straight away speed dialled his number. This time he answered. When I asked him who answered. He said he did. I told him that earlier a girl answered He said ' oh. maybe my sister.' Ok fine. It could be. After all it was Labour Day and usually on public holidays, he's out with his family. Which was what he said he was doing. Out with his family at his uncle's place before going fishing.

Thursday 3rd May
Went for an interview for the position as Recep/Admin Assistant at Mercator Lines. It's a private sector shipping company. It's located on the 42nd storey of Suntec Tower Two. I have to say that the view is F***ING AMAZING!

the normal interview questions.. blah blah blah...

Not even half an hour later, they called me up and asked me to come down for a second interview the next day.

After the interview I went to meet Cheryl at Chijmes. Whenever she's working the morning shift I always try to go there at 6pm in time for her to pass over her stuff to the next supervisor. We went to town to do some window shopping and buy her stuff before eating at Food Republic at Wisma Atria. While eating we gossiped. Sat at McCafe at Lido. Had a few drinks then went off home.

Around 2am my brother went out to meet his friends. I sat in my room. I couldn't sleep so I read my book. At around 4.30am, I heard my brother saying the standard greeting we Malays use.

'Assalamualaikum'

I went out of my room and asked my dad who was watching tv, to open the door. My dad asked me why Told him that my brother's outside. My dad said he didn't hear anything. I looked out the window but there wasn't anyone. I thought my ears were playing tricks on me so I just went back to my room. Not even 5mins later. I heard my brother calling out again. This time he sounded impatient.

'ASSALAMUALAIKUM!'

I got pissed and went out again. But I didn't see anyone. Thinking that my brother was lurking around and playing a prank. I snatched the phone and called him.

Me: 'Oi! Where are you?'

My bro, Nikie: ' I'm outside'

Me: 'Haiyah! I knew it! I told Baba to open the door but he said he didn't hear you.'

SILENCE...

Nikie: ' Ummm... actually I'm still outside somewhere else with my friend. I'm not outside the house'

Me: ' you bloody sure?! then who is outside my window..... oh f***king s**t sial!'

It suddenly occurred to me that whoever is standing outside is not human.

Luckily even though my windows were open. My curtains were drawn tight. Unfortunately it was Friday night or as we Malays say it. 'Malam Jumaat' Basically the night where all those freaking 'CUTE' mischievous spirits are out and about and disturbing everybody.

This is not the 1st time. Last week on the same night, I came back around 1.30am after chilling out at the nearby coffeeshop with Juraida, Fitri and his fried. We did talk about all these ghost stuff and listened to those creepy ghost experiences that people went through on radio. It's a Malay channel. 89.7FM at 12am.

I used to go for rides in the car with Bear and we loved listening to all this stuff.
Ok. Cut the story short. When I was reaching my front door, I was walking past my window, a strong smell hit me. It was unmistakeably he smell of FRANGIPANIES!!

I quickly held my breath and walked fast. My heart was thudding and my mind was thinking up all kinds of swear words in all kinds of languages that I know. Of all the dumb luck. &%$#@*$*#@!

When I opened my door, I gave a greeting and turned around to spit out behind me. An old lady once told that in the kampung days, they would usually put a pail of water outside their house to was their feet before going in. To prevent these spirits from following us into the house. If you don't have any pail of water handy. Spitting out will do. As long as it's water.

So I went in and as luck would have it. My dad was watching this Malaysian ghost story on DVD on my laptop. FACING THE WINDOW! By this time I was already surrendering myself to the prospect of having something come out in front of me and say boo.

Heesh.. Nowadays I'm so prone to being followed by this things. For those who know about the girl who is harassing and stalking me. You people should have already know that this girl claims to study black magic and that she has powers. So now I don't know whether it's true or not. Every time I feel reluctant to believe all this. Something will come up that will make me think that it could be possible.

Well anyway..

Friday 4th May
Went for the 2nd interview at Mercator and I got the job. Told me that I could start work in a week's time. YES! Finally! Some form of income will be deposited at the start of every month. What luck.. My savings are depleting rather rapidly.

So now I'm going to be a Receptionist at Mercator Lines. Not very glamorous but hey it's a job. Anyway it will suit my needs just right. It's the normal office routine. 5 days work week. 9-6pm. The pay may not be that fantastic but as long as I'm going to have cash for shopping and stuff then it's fine. Anyway it's not like as if I'm going to make it my career.

The hours are perfect for me to take my part-time psychology course in the evening.
Come July I'll be working in the day and studying psychology at night. Perfect isn't it?

After that, I met up with Cheryl again and as usual we went to our favourite place. Bakerzin. I totally feel in love with their vanilla creme brulee and bailey's Irish souffle. Mouth watering! Cheryl ordered the pan-seared tuna and will of course end her meal with her favourite Macchiato.

After the usual gossiping, we went called a cab to go home. Poor Cheryl was bothered by a bangla. While Cheryl was on the phone waiting for her cab confirmation. This bangla went up to her and asked for a light. After taking back her lighter the bangla walked a few metres away to join his friend. Both of them started looking at Cheryl and struck a Bollywood pose. HA HA!

They were so irritating man.. They kept looking over and smiling and trying to act handsome. NOT EVEN IN THE LEAST BIT HANDSOME la.. Unfortunately I got a cab 1st. Poor Cheryl. If she lives near me in Jurong I would have gladly shared a cab with her. But she lives in Pasir Ris. Too bad.

When I was in the cab, Cheryl called to complain about them. Apparently once I left, the bangla came over and stood really close to her and tried to strike up a conversation. Cheryl didn't really listen to him much when he asked the usual questions like 'are you local' and stuff. But she really got pissed off when he called her a hot babe and insinuated the prospect to being friends. She told him off and ignored him. The bangla didn't get the hint and actually had the audacity to stay and lean against her bag. She snapped and told him in a stern voice to back off.

He quickly said sorry and walked away to join his friend. I laughed out loud. I told Cheryl that if I was in her shoes, I would have probably been sarcastic and shouted all the swear words I know at him. Haiz.. So difficult to do a good deed today. Helped him by lending him a lighter and he wants more. He actually had the cheek to wave goodbye at Cheryl when she boarded her cab. BLOODY HELL!

After I had reached home and changed I called Bear. Horrors! A girl answered and asked repeatedly who I am. Before I could even say that I'm his girlfriend, she disconnected the call. I called him back and he was very grumpy. He asked me who was on the line earlier. I told him that I should be asking him because a girl answered and that I thought the girl was his sister but she didn't know who I was. I called his house and asked his mom about his whereabouts and whether his sister is at home.

His mom said that he's trying to sleep because he's having a fever and that his sister was working night. I told his mom that a girl answered when I called him. His mom said that she did answer his phone but she heard a guy talking.

Strange. Then I realised what happened. We had some crossed line going on. No wonder he asked me who was on the line earlier. It ever happened before. There was 1 time when I called him and he picked up but he heard a guy talking and on my part I heard a girl talking. Not surprisingly we had a misunderstanding.

Saturday 5th May
Went over to Bear's house. I was late.. He already went out fishing with friend around 1pm his mom said. *%@& I reached there at exactly 2pm. It's so difficult to meet him! His mom as usual complained that I'm getting skinnier and fed me.

Bear's cat recently gave birth and the kittens are so cute!

After that we sat around talking about that stupid b***h who's harassing us. Then his mom said something that made me speechless. She said that once Bear stops buying his guitars and equipments, she hopes that Bear will save up so that we can both get engaged quickly.

My jaw dropped and I had an incredulous look.. when she saw my expression she assured me that she was being serious. I felt like giggling hysterically. In my mind I was thinking.. 'If only she knows how her son is treating me now' but it's ok.. At least I know that the mother likes me enough to actually think of that prospect.

In other circumstances I would have been happy because Bear and I did planned to get engaged near the end of the year. But now.. I don't know whether that will happen.

Monday 7th May
Got a call from Mercator Lines and they asked whether I can start work on Thursday instead of the following Monday. I was okay with it. I'm starting work soon. Maybe work will keep my mind of things. At least I have something to occupy myself instead of worrying endlessly.

[4] This Comes From The Heart

2007-05-03T01:37:00.000+08:00

Adakah diriku kau tak perlu lagi?
Adakah cintaku kau tak perlu lagi
Adakah dirimu dah berubah hati terhadap diriku

Adakah insan lain bertakhta di hatimu
Hinggakan dirimu mengubah cintamu
Manakah janjimu yang kau beri dulu kepada diriku

Kau pernah berkata cintamu adalah selama-lamanya
Bulan menjadi saksi pada malam itu
Kau kata kau cinta

Sayangku dengarlah rintihan hatiku
Ingin kau kembali seperti dahulu
Kenangan di jiwa membuat ku rindu kepada dirimu

Kau pernah berkata cintamu adalah selama-lamanya
Bulan menjadi saksi pada malam itu
Kau kata kau cinta

Kiranya diriku kau tak perlu lagi
Simpanlah kenangan cinta kita di hati
Walaupun sukar, ku akur kali ini
Biarlah ku pergi

Maafkanlah ku bertanya…

[4]This Comes From The Heart

Dear You

On labour day, my friend insisted that I watched the show Main-main Cinta on Suria. She insisted that I look like the lead actress Misha Omar. All I have to say is this. NOT EVEN LAH! Honestly no.. but since I had nothing better to do I was thinking, 'what the heck, just watch it'.

As it turns out it was a sappy, mushy story about this couple in college who were very popular. The girl's nemesis wants to take over the popularity status and get the guy too. So she thinks up evil plans to make them break up.

Sounds like what I'm going through right?

So anyway. She succeeds in tricking the guy into helping her 1 night and got her friend to take a photo of them. She then posted it up on the internet and sends mass emails about it. So the misunderstanding start. But through it all, thier love for each other was still present.

The guy sang this particular song when he was confused.

I think the song suits what I'm feeling now. Let me just briefly translate it in english.

Basically the song is asking why the girl is being very cold to him. So he is asking whether is it because she doesn't need him anymore. Whether she really doesn't want his love anymore. Is it true that her feelings has change maybe because she has someone else in her heart.

He's also asking her where is the promise she has given him. The promise that her love for him is forever which was witnessed by the moon during the night they realised that they have fallen in love with each other.

He's pleading to her from his heart because he wishes for them to get back together and be like old times because the sweet memories makes him miss her alot. At the end of the song he is saying that if it is true that she really doesn't need/want him anymore. He pleads for her to keep the memories of their love in her heart and that even though he finds it hard to let her go. If she really insist, then he will go.

See.. Isn't it the same as to what I'm feeling now?

I am embarressed to admit this but as I am writing this down, I am listening to the song and I'm crying.

Yeah.. I'm crying my heart out. Because I don't think I can take this any longer. I really don't think I can. I am just so hurt by his silence. I am not ashamed that I really loved him and I gave my whole heart in this relationship.

If in any way any of my exes or guys who have given thier heart to me.. My heartfelt apologies to the all of you I have hurt before. I am so sorry for treating you guys that way. I am sorry for hurting all of you and for making all of you like fools. I took all your love for granted and used it to my advantage.

But to my 3 exes who had ever laid their hands on me. You f*****s don't deserve the love I have showered you with. All 3 of you took advantage of me and stole my money, controlled me and when I wanted out, you hit me. All 3 of you hurt me psychically, mentally and emotionally. So you 3 can go and die for all I care.

For now.. I can just hope that puts me out of my misery. I just want to know whether we are still together or not.

If we are I promise to cherish you and treasure you and I apologise for the times that I have ever hurt you.

If we are not then I wish you all the best. I will move on but I don't think I would look for another so quickly.

My whole heart is still with him and I will always be. You have treated me with alot of love and care and concern before all this. You were there to comfort and soothe my pain away when I was crying and gripped in the nightmares of my ex beating me.

I took your love for granted once and I promise myself that it wouldn't happen again but in the end.. It turned around and now I'm in the position where you once stood.

Please..

No other words can describe the hurt I feel..

[3] Unappreciated

2007-05-01T22:22:00.001+08:00

[3] Unappreciated

Dear You

My Bear's attitude towards me has been making me feel very unappreciated. Today is supposed to our anniversary. Not long.. Only 1 year and 6 months but still, I don't know whether I did any wrong to make him treat me this way.

We haven't been meeting or talking so there isn't any chance that I did something he didn't like. Even if I were to go out I will let him know and it's always with Cheryl and he knows that. I don't think he would angry about that because after all he goes out with his friends too.

I can't just spend my time at home and sitting beside my phone hoping that he would call up and ask whether I want to go out with him..

I can't really describe how I feel so I found the lyric to the song Unappreaciated by Cherish. It will give an idea on how the situation is.

"Unappreciated"

[Chorus:]

I'm feeling really unappreciated.
Your takin` my love for granted, babe.
and I don't know how much more,
I can take from you.
You don't do the things you use to do.
You don't even say I love you too.
And lately I've been feeling,
Feeling unappreciated.

[Verse 1:]

Woke up this morning and saw your face
And you didn't look the same as yesterday.
I got the feeling that you can't seem to see,
Where you want to be.
And lately it ain't been the same at all.
When you're here its like I'm invisible
I still can't seem to see where I went wrong.
Cause I'm feeling

[Chorus:]

I'm feeling really unappreciated.
Your takin` my love for granted, babe.
and I don't know how much more,
I can take from you.
You don't do the things you use to do.
You don't even say I love you too.
And lately I've been feeling,
Feeling unappreciated.

[Verse 2:]

Lately our house is not a home
You come in, take a shower and then say I'm gone.
What am I to do
When my heart says leave
But my feet won't move
And today is our anniversary
And you haven't even said two words to me
I'm trying hard to give you another chance
But ooh baby I'm feeling

I'm feeling really unappreciated.
Your takin` my love for granted, babe.
and I don't know how much more,
I can take from you.
You don't do the things you use to do.
You don't even say I love you too.
And lately I've been feeling,
Feeling unappreciated.

[Verse 3:]

Oh when I first met you
I thought you was the most perfect man
That I ever seen
I still don't understand why
You treat me like you do
I use to give into your lies
But now I see the truth
Oh no I don't want to hear it I'm through
Yea I know I'll still be missing you
But it's not worth the pain
That I've gained from you
You make me feel
Unappreciated

[Chorus:]

I'm feeling really unappreciated.
Your takin` my love for granted, babe.
and I don't know how much more,
I can take from you.
You don't do the things you use to do.
You don't even say I love you too.
And lately I've been feeling,
Feeling unappreciated.

Don't love me no more
Heeey wooo hooo
I'm really feeling unappreciated.
I'm feeling unappreciated